Christmas Catalog of 98
Bonus · published 2023-12-23 · archive #222

[0:00:00] Unidentified: Another set from Coors Light's DJ, Beer Wolf. Well, you know how to howl, don't you? You just put your lips together and... Coors Light's iconic Beer Wolf is back, and he'll be DJing some of Canada's biggest music festivals this summer. Follow Coors Light Canada on Instagram and TikTok to track DJ Beer Wolf and stay locked in for his feral summer 26 tour. Must be legal drinking age. Celebrate responsibly. Here we go with the final piece of a 98 content, Eric's favorite year, the last good year, in Eric's opinion. We're going to do something a little bit unique for the end of the season. It's the holiday time, and something that I was worried was just specific to my childhood experience, but seems to be universal, and everyone I've talked to, for the most part,
[0:01:01] Unidentified: went through the process of, as a kid, getting a Christmas catalog, at least to people of a certain age, where you get to look through, like, all of the classic gift items. Fuck you, Gavin. And you can circle maybe what you want. You can just see sort of what's out there. It was such an exciting time as a kid to look through it, like, all the cool toys that you're never going to get. It was just fun. It was an iconic part of at least my childhood, and it sounds like many others. So this is a, to me, definitive catalog, which is the Sears catalog, winter 98. We're going to get a great look at what the fashion was at the time of 98, the toys, just sort of a general full collection of what you could expect in 98.
[0:01:47] Geoff: Isn't it funny how much possibility that catalog represented in your childhood? Like, you're talking about, like, your parents weren't going to buy you any of that shit. Like, my mom was never the mom that was like, here, circle what you want in the catalog. I'll get it for you. I was always like, hey, I went ahead and circled all this stuff so you can get it for me. My mom would be like, yeah, I'm buying you the USS Flag aircraft carrier for G.I. Joe. Sure, I'll get right on that. That's $500. But when I was a kid, if I circled it, I thought it was possible.
[0:02:15] Unidentified: It was possible, yeah. It's a great way of putting it. I also just, we're going to get some great photos of the time as well. Like, there's going to be a lot of bullshit in this. I love going through these old catalogs because there are things that you look at and just go, that never worked. Somebody was excited and bought that at the time. That was never how they advertised it. That just didn't work.
[0:02:34] Gavin: I used to think that constantly when I saw kids playing with, like, virtual reality. I was like, that's good. That's so cool. There's no way that worked. There's no way that was any fun.
[0:02:44] Unidentified: So, Nick, are you screen, you're screen capturing this? Oh, I got it. I got you. All right, cool. So, you guys can watch the video version of this over on our YouTube channel or over on f***edfacepod.com if you want to watch the video version.
[0:02:54] Gavin: No payments until the 1st of Feb. Wow. Until the 1st of Feb. 1999.
[0:02:59] Unidentified: See, truly the best year. We could wait. Yeah. Good stuff.
[0:03:03] Geoff: All you had to do was die before February 1st, 1999. That's all you had to do.
[0:03:08] Unidentified: You had one full month to enjoy all your gifts and then you could die. Fingers crossed. So, this is the Sears catalog. The Wishbook Holiday 1998 catalog that we're going through. Andrew sent me a link. Maybe we'll include that link here for you guys if you want to jog through it. Oh! Check this out. New Rhythms. Drum kit. That font.
[0:03:30] Geoff: Do you think that particular drum kit exists in use anywhere on earth today? I... No. No, I don't.
[0:03:40] Gavin: Well, now it's just called Rhythms.
[0:03:41] Unidentified: Exactly.
[0:03:43] Geoff: Like, what do you think happens to all... They just end up in landfills somewhere? They must have made thousands. Oh, yeah. Thousands of them must have existed, right?
[0:03:49] Unidentified: Oh, for sure. That drum kit that just says rock on it is definitely in a landfill somewhere. I mean, when you look at the kit at the top in the jean jacket shirt, he's playing a kick drum, a cymbal, a snare, and then three more slightly smaller snares that I think are supposed to be Toms and are definitely not.
[0:04:13] Geoff: It also appears that they've dressed him in a denim shirt that has a zipper pocket as if they don't trust him not to bend over.
[0:04:19] Unidentified: Yeah. But boy, everyone had this haircut. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Ooh, boy. I want to draw attention as well to, like, the product names of a flare for the snare. Yeah.
[0:04:32] Gavin: So is this like a modular thing? Are you buying individual drums here? Are they all different full sets?
[0:04:37] Unidentified: I think it's different kits. Like, you can see the one on the left that says rock is C, and that's never miss a beat. The one at the bottom is D, which is perfect percussions. Oh, the classic one. Is Kid Blue Keeps It Cooled. It's purple pearl. I want to be Kid Blue. Absolutely.
[0:04:55] Gavin: I feel like we immediately need two things. We need anyone who has any of these items to post pictures in the cards. Yes, please. If for some reason you have this. Yes. And I feel like we also need an inflation calculator.
[0:05:04] Unidentified: Oh, boy.
[0:05:06] Geoff: Dude, we absolutely need an inflation calculator. I saw a story the other day.
[0:05:10] Unidentified: Nick, will you get an inflation calculator going?
[0:05:12] Geoff: I guess every year, some organization figures out how much it would cost to give the gifts from the 12 days of Christmas. And apparently this year, it's the most expensive ever. It would be like 48 grand to give those 12 gifts.
[0:05:25] Unidentified: Eight Lords of Leaping costs how much? A lot. Terrible. So here's... Oh, fuck. Gifts for... Oh, it's the little critter guy.
[0:05:39] Gavin: Oh, that spinning critter. Lullaby ball. I remember that.
[0:05:42] Unidentified: The season's best baby's first Christmas.
[0:05:49] Geoff: It was that baby lullaby ball. Was that a hand-me-up from one of your siblings?
[0:05:56] Gavin: I remember it lighting up and it would spin and make music. Oh, wow.
[0:06:02] Geoff: I like that he's riding a zebra.
[0:06:03] Gavin: Kevin, your brother's tired of playing with a zebra.
[0:06:06] Unidentified: You need this more than he does.
[0:06:08] Gavin: He's got a Super Nintendo. You can have his lullaby light ball.
[0:06:12] Unidentified: I like the zebra as a choice for a kid to be riding. I think that's good. It's great. They were working on taming them back then.
[0:06:21] Gavin: So what consoles would be in this? Are we talking N64 era around this time?
[0:06:25] Unidentified: Yeah, this would be the 64 PlayStation.
[0:06:27] Gavin: PlayStation 1, yeah.
[0:06:29] Unidentified: These twins are too cute. They're nightmares. That's a horror story. That's too cute. A handcrafted armoire. Great as a child. The thing I want in armoire.
[0:06:40] Gavin: It's hard to tell the scale of some of this shit. It is.
[0:06:45] Unidentified: Oh, big time. Mini grand for little hands.
[0:06:51] Geoff: Alright, I think we've bled all the comedy out of that page.
[0:06:54] Unidentified: Oh, that kid is so fucking happy. This is like a potato head, but he's like flush. Mr. Potato Head? You can't take his pieces off. It's just him. So what's the point? This interactive. Oh, he's got 50 knock-knock jokes. Oh my God.
[0:07:11] Gavin: I feel like they've taken all of what a potato head is and removed it.
[0:07:15] Unidentified: Well, they made him a stand-up comedian. He's got 50 knock-knock jokes. Yeah. He also, you kid his hat and he won't tell you the joke until the kid says, who's there?
[0:07:25] Gavin: That's like buying a pre-assembled Lego set, but it's all glued.
[0:07:30] Geoff: Yeah. That's like you walk into a room and that Mr. Potato Head is just going, knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock, knock.
[0:07:39] Gavin: Just waiting for anyone to respond to him. What's this globe? You meant to like color in the planet? What's happening there?
[0:07:46] Unidentified: Odyssey, the world's first atlasphere combines the finest qualities of a globe, atlas, and computer to expand your family's horizon.
[0:07:55] Gavin: It's a pen that reads out the country. Yeah.
[0:07:57] Unidentified: And then it tells you stuff about it. I think that's fancy. Oh, it's facts like population and all that stuff.
[0:08:03] Geoff: $300 then. That's like a $700 hunk of shit today.
[0:08:08] Unidentified: $300 back in 98 is $563.16. Fuck you. That's a PS5.
[0:08:16] Gavin: That's more than a PS5. And that's just Google Maps now.
[0:08:20] Geoff: Yep. And also, good luck finding a computer that'll run that fucking program.
[0:08:25] Unidentified: Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. Jesus Christ. That's fucking crazy. Wow. What the fuck? What? What is it? Look, Gavin, look. Feet. That's an abominable snowman? He's only $100.
[0:08:38] Gavin: Oh, magic show. I bet there's like a rope in there. There's the magic one.
[0:08:42] Unidentified: I think I had that. Of course. The magic show? Yeah, I was terrible at it. I was going to say, it's definitely listeners of this podcast at home are probably looking at this and going, I had that. That doesn't surprise me at all.
[0:08:55] Gavin: I had a little magic show and it had a rope in it to do rope tricks. And then I think a week after I got it, I found the rope tied around the neck of a like a plushy dog. Oh, my God. That my one of my siblings had just taken the rope and used it as a leash. And I could never undo the knot. And it just stayed on the dog for the rest of time.
[0:09:14] Geoff: Was it the same rope trick that the driver at the ghost tour showed us in Key West?
[0:09:18] Unidentified: Oh, my God.
[0:09:22] Geoff: Good stuff. Do you remember that? Where he tied the knot in half and then there wasn't a knot?
[0:09:26] Gavin: Yeah, I bet the instructions for that were in the book. Obviously, I had a dog on the end of my rope, which would have hindered some of the timing.
[0:09:34] Unidentified: I had a thing that was like the little air hockey thing when I was a kid. It was like really small and it wasn't, it's not like a blue air. It was just a little thing. But I loved it. It was great. I'm getting like Bonsai Buddy vibes off the, uh, oh, this is the thing that I had. A little, oh, I had the smallest pool table. Five in one? I had the five in one. Yeah, someone gave it to me for my birthday when I was like 10. I think I like turned 10. And I had that. I did too.
[0:10:04] Geoff: Hands off my stuff. Look at that. Dude, I could have kept my rope in there.
[0:10:09] Unidentified: Yep.
[0:10:09] Geoff: You get to put your baseball cards, one, one baseball, one dog, uh, uh, tennis ball and a hat.
[0:10:19] Unidentified: My favorite thing about the five in one is it was so cool of an idea as a kid, but it was play these five games poorly. Like none of them worked very well. They were all terrible. Yeah. They, they were, it was not good. Like the felt for the, it wasn't even like felt for the, uh, the pool and then the bowling never really rolled right. And the basketball was fun because it was just a little thing that like launched a little ball. That was fun.
[0:10:45] Geoff: So is this the first item that somebody from this podcast physically owned that we've run into yet?
[0:10:52] Unidentified: Nick said, Nick said he had the, Oh, right.
[0:10:54] Geoff: You had the magic. Yeah.
[0:10:55] Unidentified: Some variation of that magic set. I believe that kid in the green shirt is Elon Musk and that's where his, his Mars, I think if you were to read his lips, he's yelling Mars.
[0:11:04] Geoff: I turned 23 in 1990. So you had to keep the hands off my stuff. I don't know that I'm going to wreck. I don't know that I'm going to have had any of these things other than the PlayStation, but we'll see.
[0:11:17] Unidentified: Okay. You say so. Oh man. Oh, you didn't have that truck chef. I wish I did. You had the NASCAR golden car. Get real. Monday night football lighted stadium.
[0:11:32] Geoff: I definitely didn't know more fumbles. Cool. Haircuts guys.
[0:11:37] Unidentified: What is it? It's just like the thing where it like rumbles and the things move. I think so. Where's John Madden? Yeah.
[0:11:44] Geoff: No more fumbles in the night with the electric football stadium that really lights up the app. Damn.
[0:11:52] Unidentified: So Nick is excited about it now for some reason. I'm a child at heart.
[0:11:57] Geoff: Realistic crowds.
[0:12:00] Unidentified: Well, the realistic, realistic crowd is just these two kids.
[0:12:05] Gavin: And a golden NASCAR.
[0:12:07] Unidentified: Yeah. But it's Sears exclusive. So I can't imagine anyone has that, you know. No one has Sears anymore.
[0:12:14] Geoff: Yeah. They bulldozed the Sears in Austin, I think. I mean, it's gone, baby. It's sad.
[0:12:18] Unidentified: Oh, pop shot. Love those.
[0:12:23] Gavin: I was always so jealous of the electric cars that you could actually drive around as a kid. That was, I never had one. And I just think it would have been great.
[0:12:30] Geoff: Dude, I'm 48 years old and there's a little girl in our neighborhood who drives around in a Barbie dream car and I'm fucking, I get annoyed and jealous when I see it. Yeah. People just like little kids driving around in G wagons.
[0:12:42] Unidentified: With the release of Halo Infinite, they made a little warthog electric one for kids. I've never wanted anything more. Oh, wow. Oh my God. I got to get that for my kids. So cool. Oh, you need, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Get on. Yeah. We're going to live vicariously through my son. Let's do this. Oh, that's great.
[0:13:02] Geoff: Hey, Andrew, do you think you would have benefited from those snowshoes up in Canada?
[0:13:06] Unidentified: I definitely would have, but I also would have been incredibly disappointed if that's the thing I got out of that page. Yeah. Yeah.
[0:13:12] Geoff: What is the thing about this? What is the thing you want the least on this page?
[0:13:17] Unidentified: Oh, man. Okay.
[0:13:19] Geoff: Let's probably the dad clock because it looks like dowels. I think I would take the mom. I don't want the mom clock.
[0:13:25] Unidentified: I don't want whatever this package thing is for the bottom for birds. I don't care about. Yeah. I don't need to. Yeah. I'm pretty. It's where you keep the birds after you catch them.
[0:13:35] Geoff: Yeah. But you've got the binoculars to perv on people. So that's. Yeah, that's true.
[0:13:40] Unidentified: Perv on the birds. But you can go fishing with your, uh, your tackle box handheld game. Can you? For Attica. Yeah.
[0:13:46] Gavin: Oh, that looks great. Lunker bass. Fishing for fun anywhere.
[0:13:51] Unidentified: Game of the year. Lunker bass. Yep. Game of the year. They really. Once they added microtransactions to Lunker bass, it was never the same. Yeah, man. It's a real pay to win thing now. You just pay to catch the fish. It's fucked up.
[0:14:03] Geoff: Dude, fucking fish skins. It's ridiculous.
[0:14:06] Unidentified: Fish skins. What? Oh, I want that frog. What a monster. The bullfrog. What is that? Okay.
[0:14:18] Geoff: I like that he's for some reason is also just wearing flip flops. Like why were, why was that important to his outfit?
[0:14:27] Unidentified: He's got, he's like, he's got a t-shirt on. He's got, he's like a beach guy.
[0:14:30] Geoff: He's got his fucking frog genitals out, but he's got his feet covered.
[0:14:35] Unidentified: He's got that frog hog out and it's, he's covering it with his foot right now.
[0:14:40] Geoff: Oh, what's this giant thing?
[0:14:45] Unidentified: Yeah.
[0:14:45] Geoff: Do you think if we called this number 1-800-775-5555, our dreams would come true? Should I call it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[0:14:52] Unidentified: Call it.
[0:14:53] Geoff: Yeah.
[0:14:54] Unidentified: Someone call it.
[0:14:55] Geoff: All right. I'm calling it. Okay. All right. Where wishes come true.
[0:14:58] Unidentified: I'm going to see if I can buy this bullfrog off eBay. This is a, this is good. The batter up thing probably just does. I mean, it's probably like little wiffle balls or whatever. FM radio watch. Whoa. Wait, I can't see the number. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you'd already, I thought you'd already dialed it. No, I was about to go to the next page. Oh, okay. I sent the warthog to my wife. Let's see what she says. Hello, and thank you for calling. Just for calling today, you're entitled to a retail rebate of $100. Hell yeah, good Australia. Press one now for more information. Okay. Or you can hang up. You, you should hang up. I think you're on a list now.
[0:15:37] Geoff: Well, we don't know what we're, who have we called? Some Australian woman. Does she have access to the bullfrog? I'll ask. Where's my frog? The frog? Bullfrog? Bullfrog. If they don't have that, see if they have the Hydra Zap still. Hi, can I have the bullfrog?
[0:16:01] Gavin: Hello?
[0:16:01] Unidentified: That's Mr. Bullfrog to you.
[0:16:05] Gavin: Can I have the bullfrog, please?
[0:16:07] Geoff: This is fucking weird how, somehow in 2023, we can't even engage with spam. Like, they won't even let you.
[0:16:18] Unidentified: He hung up on me. He has the bullfrog, and he won't give it to you. Andrew found one. I found $70. Oh, my God. How much was it originally? $34.99. It was $34.99. So, inflation calculate it, Nick. $34.99 is? $65.68. Oh, you're getting ripped off. That's fair. You're getting ripped off. No, you're getting ripped off, dude.
[0:16:43] Geoff: That's pretty close. I would send him a message and say, I won't pay a dime over $65.58 or whatever.
[0:16:52] Unidentified: Hydra Zap? Yeah, I think it's like a quiz game, and then it sprays you in the face. Hydra Zap.
[0:16:58] Geoff: Oh, my God. We have got to get that.
[0:17:01] Unidentified: Hydra. Find a Hydra Zap. Hydra? Holy shit.
[0:17:05] Gavin: Let's fill it with horseradish and hot sauce and shit.
[0:17:06] Unidentified: Oh, yeah.
[0:17:07] Geoff: Horseradish.
[0:17:08] Unidentified: Jesus. Hydra Zap.
[0:17:12] Geoff: Stuff that stings. What if three of them are filled with that, and then one of them is filled with piss, and nobody gets to know it and mix it up? Dude, you can buy a Hydra Zap for $20.
[0:17:21] Unidentified: What? How much? It's $19.99 with the inflation calculator, Nick. How much is that? Let's find out. It is $3,752.
[0:17:35] Geoff: These things are really maintaining their value.
[0:17:37] Unidentified: It is new in box, I believe, cheaper than what it was at that time. I have an eBay link for one.
[0:17:46] Gavin: Remember when you were a kid and grown-up shampoo stung your eyes way more than kid shampoo? Yes. We should put grown-up shampoo in that thing.
[0:17:55] Unidentified: Grown-up shampoo. We got to throw it apart. Did you ever do the thing where you would walk through, like, the laundry soap aisle of the grocery store, and it was, like, getting baby-maced? Like, it would burn your eyes.
[0:18:08] Gavin: I'm going to go through.
[0:18:10] Unidentified: My sensitive, newer eyes. Baby-maced.
[0:18:14] Gavin: Baby-maced.
[0:18:15] Unidentified: I would avoid the cleaning supply aisle.
[0:18:20] Gavin: Man, I'd be pissed if I bought that kid blue shit and now I'm looking at other drums in it. Yeah, there's more.
[0:18:25] Geoff: There's more. Did you find out about page seven with the same sonics?
[0:18:29] Unidentified: Oh, I could have had a drum kit that said rock on it? What's this bullshit? Dude, that, the sharp, like, stereo with the cassette? Dual cassette. CD on the top, baby?
[0:18:42] Gavin: You could record from one to the other.
[0:18:45] Geoff: Yep. Wow. I guarantee you can detach those speakers, too, and move them around the room. Make copies for your friends.
[0:18:52] Unidentified: I can't articulate why it's so funny to me, but I think it's so fucking funny that on the drum set, it's bright red and then below it blue, and then in brackets, not shown. Not shown. Just in case you were wondering where that blue was. Where the fuck's the blue drum? Skip.
[0:19:12] Geoff: Some of the baby stuff.
[0:19:14] Unidentified: Yeah, that page's for babies. That's for babies, too. Yeah. Oh, this is for babies.
[0:19:23] Geoff: Seeing.
[0:19:24] Unidentified: Get away.
[0:19:25] Geoff: All right, well, the baby stuff's got it. We get a little closer to it. That's kind of cool.
[0:19:28] Unidentified: Yeah, we're getting into, like, Gavin territory. Gavin, let me know when any of this looks cool to you.
[0:19:33] Geoff: Okay. Keep your eye out for the Tooneyville choo-choo. I'm looking.
[0:19:36] Unidentified: Look at that Mickey.
[0:19:38] Geoff: All right. The Mickey license stuff's pretty cute.
[0:19:41] Unidentified: Yeah. Oh.
[0:19:43] Geoff: You know, do you think any of the babies. Oh, there's this thing. There's the Tooneyville choo-choo. Holy shit. There's this. There's the choo-choo.
[0:19:49] Unidentified: Oh, my God. It's fucking right there. Oh, my God. It's the same fucking one. It's on my calendar. I'm looking at it right now. Holy shit. Guys, it's identical. Oh, my God. I do have something from the catalog. He's got the Tooneyville choo-choo.
[0:20:07] Gavin: There's also the same thing, but, like, as a CD player. Like a CD player, yeah. But the train is so much cooler.
[0:20:13] Geoff: Yeah. I agree. Dude. Wow. Send you guys this photo. Oh, I turned it on. How do I turn it off? Fuck. How the fuck are you?
[0:20:24] Gavin: This is so immersive.
[0:20:26] Unidentified: How do I turn it off?
[0:20:28] Geoff: It doesn't even have the record in it. How can it still be? Ah, fuck.
[0:20:36] Gavin: How do we go from starting a podcast to this moment?
[0:20:39] Geoff: I don't know. I don't know how to turn. Just turn yourself off. Oh. Oh. Hold on. All right. Got it. I found that.
[0:20:48] Unidentified: I love that the kids in G are looking like this is the greatest mystery anyone's ever had. It's just they go down the chute. The balls just go down.
[0:20:58] Gavin: So I put them in there.
[0:21:01] Unidentified: And it's, you see, it's, it's now it's at the, how did it get there? I put it in the white. How is it now in the green?
[0:21:08] Gavin: I don't know what to tell you, Steve. I put the thing in the top.
[0:21:12] Unidentified: Oh, man. Jeff is so excited about his Tooneyville choo-choo. Is that the same number that you called before, Gavin? The 1-800-775? Yes. Yeah.
[0:21:21] Gavin: Yeah.
[0:21:21] Unidentified: Damn. Yeah. Okay.
[0:21:22] Gavin: If someone else wants to try it, they might have better luck with the person.
[0:21:26] Unidentified: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[0:21:28] Geoff: That went so long for me. I knocked everything off of my shelf. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
[0:21:36] Unidentified: I don't like that it says, uh-oh. Uh-oh. Big hug. What is happening?
[0:21:44] Gavin: Did you never watch Teletubbies? Oh, my God.
[0:21:46] Unidentified: I was too old for the Teletubbies. Me and Jeff were both too old for the Teletubbies.
[0:21:50] Geoff: Yeah, we were grown-ups. Yeah.
[0:21:51] Unidentified: I'd like to see someone's catalog where they circled Tinky and Winky and Lala, but fuck Dipsy and Poe. I don't fuck with them. Fuck Poe. Uh, anything here? I think was- Oh, Speaking Spells is a shit. I Spy was fun. I had those I Spy books, yeah. Yeah. Who says- Yeah. Good Night, Moon.
[0:22:10] Geoff: Good Night, Moon. Game. Oh, there's a game? But it's a game. Oh, yeah.
[0:22:14] Unidentified: What? What? Wow. Say Good Night to the Moon. Good Night.
[0:22:17] Geoff: It's probably beneath us.
[0:22:22] Unidentified: Beneath us? Oh!
[0:22:25] Geoff: Well, people-
[0:22:26] Unidentified: Randy Newman hates this page. He hates this town, but he loves LA. It's fucking crazy. This is- Wow. This looks like what a doctor's office looks like.
[0:22:42] Gavin: Is it like Playmobil? Or is it different?
[0:22:45] Unidentified: Different. It's Fisher-Price.
[0:22:48] Gavin: It's similar.
[0:22:49] Unidentified: Yeah. I think it's like the same kind of thing. Two sides of the same coin. Yeah. Okay. Like the Eeyore recently found out that Eeyore is the British way of saying hee-haw. What? Like a donkey noise. Yeah, Eeyore.
[0:23:05] Gavin: Yeah. The sound of a donkey.
[0:23:06] Unidentified: Didn't know that. Oh. See, he's saying Eeyore, which is the sound of a donkey, which is not the sound of a donkey. The sound of a donkey is ee-haw. Eeyore. Which is, but you say it with a British accent, and it's Eeyore, and that is why Eeyore's name is that. Isn't that crazy? It's weird, right? That is crazy. No wonder he's sad all the time. No kidding. Dude, he's got interactive poo? Ew. What the fuck? Oh, Jesus.
[0:23:30] Geoff: No. That's a picture of Andrew recording the podcast.
[0:23:35] Gavin: That's a hundred dollars by interactive poo?
[0:23:41] Geoff: Wow. I get you an interactive poo for 15 bucks a month.
[0:23:47] Unidentified: I can get you an interactive poo by this afternoon. That would cost you $187 today. Barney was too old for Barney.
[0:23:55] Geoff: I was not a Barney guy. No. Millie wasn't either. I was so happy about it.
[0:23:59] Unidentified: All right. Let me get the movie, giant Barney, yellow Barney, soundtrack.
[0:24:05] Geoff: White cat. Do you think any of the little child actors in this catalog are dead?
[0:24:11] Unidentified: Jesus Christ.
[0:24:13] Geoff: I thought you were going to say listeners of this podcast.
[0:24:15] Unidentified: Oh, maybe that too.
[0:24:16] Geoff: If any of the ones are alive. Yeah. Oh, there's Babe.
[0:24:20] Unidentified: Hey, feed the dog. I love Whispone. I would argue that that's not a real live Babe. What do you mean? It's a real live Babe. I don't know about that.
[0:24:33] Gavin: Yeah, that might be false advertising.
[0:24:35] Unidentified: No. I believe so. I don't think you can say real live anything and then have three batteries required. He does interactive. He does eating. He does sleeping. He does giggling. He does it all.
[0:24:46] Geoff: At 6 a.m. He asks for breakfast. At noon, he speaks of lunch and a midday nap. At 7 p.m. He asks for dinner. And after 9 p.m. He's too tired to talk anymore. Are you fucking serious? Wow. He speaks of lunch. I'm going to stop doing that.
[0:25:01] Unidentified: So I do all those things, so I don't know what to feel anymore. This actually might be a real live Babe.
[0:25:05] Gavin: Andrew is Babe picking the city. Wow. That's cool. Can we make an interactive plush, Andrew?
[0:25:11] Unidentified: Oh, God. No. Oh, dude. I remember Pound Puppies when I was really, really young. Pound Puppies were cool. I remember the name, but nothing else about it. It was just like- That was a cartoon. It was like adopting. You would get a little dog. You'd adopt a little dog or whatever, and then there was a cartoon. Okay.
[0:25:31] Geoff: You would get a little like- It was kind of like a Cabbage Patch Kid that was more accessible to boys, I guess. You'd get a little certificate. Like, you've adopted this dog from the past. Not really.
[0:25:40] Unidentified: Not really. Yep.
[0:25:42] Geoff: But, you know, it might shut you up to your mom for a couple days.
[0:25:49] Unidentified: Some of this stuff just seems like generic. Like, Starbase set. Cinderella Dream Castle.
[0:25:58] Geoff: Like, these are like- That was back when it was just about pure imagination and not like corporate branding and fucking synergy.
[0:26:05] Unidentified: Right.
[0:26:05] Geoff: H is a little bit of a-
[0:26:07] Unidentified: Ooh, what was- Okay, hang on. Let me go back to H.
[0:26:08] Gavin: It's just like a minimum wage simulator.
[0:26:10] Unidentified: Yeah, pretty much. It's- Hey, you're gonna be doing- It's fun now, but- It's not your training, is it? Oh. I thought it looked fun now. Oh, my God. Whoa, enter the secret code. Enter your secret code. What is it, though? Oh, it's a saving sound bank. You want to make saving sound fun? Secret code. Do you think parents were like, tell me your code? Where's the key? My first flashlight. You can just have a regular flashlight.
[0:26:45] Geoff: Everybody always talks about their first flashlight, but do you remember the second flashlight? Nobody does.
[0:26:53] Unidentified: Nope. This flashlight is my flashlight. There are many like it, but this one is mine. Hello, fax me a drawing, please. What is this? Oh, man.
[0:27:09] Gavin: New recording message center. It's like Cisco started making kids' toys.
[0:27:13] Geoff: Baby's first voiceover IP calling device. Baby's first voiceover. Teddy Ruxpin. Jeff, did you have Teddy Ruxpin? I knew of Teddy Ruxpin. I never owned one. Is this the origin of cars? What? I'm sorry, what? That Tonka truck with eyes?
[0:27:36] Unidentified: No, there has to be plenty of cars with eyes.
[0:27:39] Geoff: Do you think that was the 1998 was when they invented eyes on cars? When was the first face put on a car?
[0:27:46] Gavin: When was the first car invented?
[0:27:48] Unidentified: Yeah, no kidding.
[0:27:50] Gavin: You think cars immediately had a face on from the beginning?
[0:27:53] Unidentified: I don't think it took them 60 years to make the connection, no. I think we anthropomorphized those pretty quick. I think there was a lot of delay. I think it was pretty quick. Oh, here we go. Rugrats. Oh, fuck yeah. Rugrats.
[0:28:07] Geoff: I don't know shit about this.
[0:28:09] Unidentified: Dude, Jeff, check it out. I can own all my favorite characters. There's Tommy, Phil and Lil, the grandparents, Angelica's mom and dad for some reason. Wow. What was the baby? I hate Dill.
[0:28:25] Geoff: Dill? Does Rugrats, is that in Andrew and Gavin's era as well or just Eric?
[0:28:30] Unidentified: It's in mine.
[0:28:31] Geoff: Yeah, I saw that Nickelodeon stuff.
[0:28:33] Unidentified: When this little kid is introduced, it's like, I didn't watch anything with him.
[0:28:41] Gavin: Yeah, that's like new Rugrats.
[0:28:42] Unidentified: Yeah. That was the movie, right? When Rugrats first started, it was like, whoa, Nick Toons was like that and Doug and Ren and Stimpy and Rocko's Modern Life and everything. And it was like, oh, like this big block of stuff to watch.
[0:28:57] Gavin: It's weird to see Doug look so well-defined and not, like, vibrating.
[0:29:02] Unidentified: Oh, yeah. I'm not a big fan. I don't like it. Cool Reptar, though. Big, big Reptar guy. That's an awesome Reptar. Yeah. Pretty neat.
[0:29:11] Geoff: I completely missed all this Rugrats shit. Oh, yeah, of course. Other than I thought the art style was terrible.
[0:29:16] Unidentified: What the? Little bear. Little bear. What's the, why is, why is he standing like a man at the bank? Thank you, sir. I haven't checked a cash.
[0:29:28] Gavin: Have you noticed? He's standing like a man at the Fisher Price cash register.
[0:29:32] Geoff: That every creature in this catalog needs a hug. He might rip you into pieces when you do it, though. Hug me like you'd hug a real bear.
[0:29:41] Unidentified: That's seen daily on Nick Jr. Daily. It's on every, and there he is, standing like a man at the bank, walking forward in the line. I don't.
[0:29:49] Gavin: What is, what's happening at X? Is the head coming off the bear to put stuff in?
[0:29:54] Unidentified: What? Pick up, pal, the bear. Whoa. Oh, oh, it's like a little bin to like put your other crap in. And it's $25. It's a deep cylinder storage bin. Mom, mom, I got to get the deep cylinder. I bet they. Veggie tails. Where's God when I'm scared? What?
[0:30:16] Geoff: Well, you guys know that, right? Veggie tails was, was like thinly guys. Yes. Religious.
[0:30:23] Unidentified: Oh, I remember. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't care about any of this stuff.
[0:30:55] Geoff: Oh, the big comfy couch. Well, the blow up couch is something. Wow. Inflatable. I might have a new chair.
[0:31:04] Unidentified: Let's see if you can find one. The big comfy couch inflatable. Let's see if we can get you one.
[0:31:08] Geoff: Are you ready? Enjoy watching the PBS series, The Big Comfy Couch from your very own heavy duty inflatable couch.
[0:31:17] Unidentified: Oh, I would have loved that.
[0:31:18] Geoff: Was that the first face on a couch? No cars did it. I'm pretty sure they anthropomorphized faces on couch pretty quickly. Big comfy couch.
[0:31:31] Unidentified: Are you ready? I don't see any. Are you ready to clown around?
[0:31:38] Gavin: What's that behind? Is it like some sort of little chick or is that the sun? What is that behind the couch?
[0:31:43] Unidentified: What? Where? Oh, that?
[0:31:44] Gavin: Yeah. What is that?
[0:31:45] Unidentified: It looks like it's the sun. It looks like a chick. A little mountain beach.
[0:31:50] Geoff: Dude, you can't buy one of those inflatable couches on eBay.
[0:31:53] Unidentified: No.
[0:31:53] Geoff: I don't see one. Well, they've all rotted.
[0:31:55] Unidentified: Yeah, they're all in the trash and they're all decomposing.
[0:31:59] Gavin: They're all biodegradable.
[0:32:00] Unidentified: Whoa, I love Thomas the Tank Engine.
[0:32:03] Gavin: Oh, this is your thing, right, Gav?
[0:32:04] Unidentified: I don't care about this tank train at all.
[0:32:06] Gavin: I think it's more Ringo Starr's thing.
[0:32:07] Unidentified: Radio-controlled chug-along Thomas? Only after George Carlin was done.
[0:32:12] Geoff: Wasn't it a big deal in England, though? I mean, it's a British thing, right? Yeah. Did you grow up with Thomas the Train Engine?
[0:32:19] Gavin: Yeah, there was an episode, though, where one of the carriages got crushed and his face fell off and a crane was holding his face and it scared the shit out of me and I never watched it again.
[0:32:30] Unidentified: Is this the thing that Sir Topham Hatt has a hand in somehow? What? Is it somebody? The Fat Controller? Oh, yeah. Yeah, the Comptroller guy. I don't know what that is. I just know the name. That's simply all I know of Thomas the Tank Engine.
[0:32:45] Geoff: Were you a Percy or a James fan, Gavin? I think I was just a classic Thomas guy. Oh, no. He's a Gordon.
[0:32:53] Gavin: You can fucking tell. Gordon was a bit stuck up.
[0:32:57] Unidentified: Gordon's a bit stuck up? He was. Yeah. All right. Well. Bye, Gordon. That's Andrew! He strikes a horse! That kid is cool. I don't fuck with horses, Eric. I don't trust them. But this is Marvel the Mustang.
[0:33:17] Geoff: Yeah, I don't trust them. I don't like Marvel the Mustang. Have you ever been in front of a horse in person?
[0:33:23] Unidentified: Yeah, so I have a genuine, for a while, a real fear of horses because I went to a birthday party as like a four-year-old and they did the thing where they had a horse and would like ride the kids around and I was the last kid to do it and the horse was tired and said, fuck that. So it took two steps forward and then tried to lay down with me on top of it and I had to get ripped off of it while it was coming to the ground or else it would have crushed my leg and I didn't fuck with horses for a long time. I was terrified. Didn't like horses. No, that's not me. I'm not fucking with Marvel the Mustang at that age. I don't trust them.
[0:33:58] Gavin: Tic Tac Zoo.
[0:34:00] Geoff: I was a big theater tugboat fan, though. Loved him. We know, Eric, we know how to scare the shit out of these two guys with horses and Thomas the train engine, apparently.
[0:34:09] Unidentified: Yeah. Yeah. We'll take a face off a horse and show it to both of them. Oh, God.
[0:34:13] Gavin: For me, it was donkeys that scared me.
[0:34:15] Unidentified: Donkeys?
[0:34:16] Gavin: Eeyore. Yeah. I talked about how the first time I ever embraced death was on the back of a donkey. Did I tell that story?
[0:34:22] Unidentified: Jesus Christ. No. I don't think so. I don't think so. That's pretty cool. I've only heard the one when the donkey was on your back in your first time embracing death.
[0:34:31] Gavin: I was in the back of a donkey on a beach and it just took off with me on the back and I just, I was about five and I just thought, well, I can't hold on because I'm slipping off. This is it. And I just let go. I just let death take me. Oh, my God. And I just bounced off the sand, but it's, you know, I was ready.
[0:34:52] Unidentified: I'd seen everything in the world I needed to see. I just thought this is it. Oh, man. Okay. Let's keep it going. Let's see. We're on page 38 of 90. Why? Why is smoochy pooch? Why is this a thing? I don't know.
[0:35:10] Geoff: Can we get to some of the older kids? Yeah. We might have to start skipping through.
[0:35:13] Unidentified: Let's skip a couple of bases. Let me see if I can find. Oh, what have you done? You want to skip through? Oh, no. Go to the next page, Eric. You got to go to the next page. Why? Just go to the next page. Just trust me. Just trust me. Look at how fucking happy this kid is. Oh. This is the happiest I've ever seen anybody. That's a young Gavin at pee. That's how he started. He's filming in slow-mo. He's filming in slow-mo.
[0:35:41] Gavin: Oh, man. You got to start with one frame a second. Perfect shot.
[0:35:45] Geoff: 35 millimeter camera. There's a K is baby's first podcast kit.
[0:35:52] Unidentified: I had that, too. Oh, man.
[0:35:55] Gavin: So that would have had to have been an actual film camera, would it? Or is it just a bullshit thing that flashes?
[0:36:00] Unidentified: I don't think it's just a bullshit thing that flashes.
[0:36:03] Geoff: I'm sure that's all it is. I don't think there's film in it. Yep. Oh. Oh, you know what? It says 35 millimeter film on the right. What? It might be real. That's a real camera? It might be fucking real. That might be a real. I'm looking this up. What is it called? If you can get that, we should do a photo shoot with that camera.
[0:36:18] Unidentified: Oh, 135 millimeter camera from Fisher Price.
[0:36:23] Gavin: I bet Wes already has one of these.
[0:36:24] Unidentified: Wes already has it.
[0:36:30] Gavin: Nowadays, you've got to pay decent money to build a cage around your camera.
[0:36:34] Unidentified: Yep. Used to come included. No, I'm not. Oh, it's not that one. I found a yellow one. Oh, here we go. Here we go. What's the inflation? So how much was it back then? 30, 24.99?
[0:36:51] Gavin: 24.99.
[0:36:53] Unidentified: 24.99.
[0:36:53] Gavin: Probably what? 45 bucks?
[0:36:55] Unidentified: I got a new in box one. 46.91. I'm going to put it in the chat. It's overpriced for what we want, but if we want to do a photo shoot, it's there.
[0:37:07] Geoff: It's 90 bucks. Oh, my God. Get real. That seems totally. It's a classic. It's from 1976. It's a classic. Or 1997. Sorry.
[0:37:17] Unidentified: Did you say 76?
[0:37:17] Geoff: That fucking girl killed a lot of animals.
[0:37:20] Unidentified: Look at my skins.
[0:37:24] Geoff: It's like fucking. It's like she's like Don Jr. God damn it.
[0:37:33] Unidentified: Ertl.
[0:37:34] Gavin: Oh, we got some John Deere happening.
[0:37:36] Unidentified: John Deere kids. They even have like their own like logo.
[0:37:39] Geoff: It's a smaller deer. I wonder how much of a business this is for John Deere and Ertl. Like how much money they make off of this kind of shit.
[0:37:46] Unidentified: Yeah, that's a great question.
[0:37:47] Geoff: I wonder if they look at it as like every fucking plushy lawnmower or like a little crane truck we sell is a future John Deere little customer 20 years later, you know, like if
[0:38:02] Unidentified: they take a loss, but they're like brand loyalty.
[0:38:04] Gavin: I wonder if they were against their kids repairing their tractors back then.
[0:38:12] Unidentified: All right, Darla, you have your push mower and you don't have the right to repair. So if this breaks, you have to buy a new one. Oh, that air hockey table looks cool. Yeah, that's about it. Everything else on this. Yeah, that that should be the regulation NBA basketball hoop. It should have a little pipe at the bottom of it shoots out. This is how dream on green practices. That's pretty cool.
[0:38:45] Geoff: We're really really deep into preschool shit.
[0:38:49] Gavin: Yeah, I need to get to the VR headsets.
[0:38:52] Geoff: Oh, OK, OK, OK, OK. Here we go.
[0:38:54] Unidentified: Look at this. We got some calculators.
[0:38:56] Geoff: Now we're getting somewhere. Kids are, we're at homework age. Kids, you know, homework whiz. Rolodex electronics.
[0:39:03] Unidentified: Oh, yeah. Weren't those things called wizards for adults or something? Yeah. Yeah, kids are speaking homework whiz and all that stuff. It was the, like, knew that stuff.
[0:39:13] Geoff: That's a stupid time. Discover PC.
[0:39:16] Unidentified: It's just, it's, it's weird because it's like this analog and digital sort of like overlap where you don't really know what the future is going to be. So all your guesses are wrong.
[0:39:30] Gavin: And it's like my first crypto miner.
[0:39:33] Geoff: And the future came so quickly. Yeah. You get to see how wrong you were almost immediately.
[0:39:39] Unidentified: Power printer plus. Like, the idea of this is something, but all of the execution of it is, like, such a mess. It's so fucked.
[0:39:49] Geoff: When I was in the army early on and I would get sent to, like, Kuwait or wherever, before, this is before laptops, they would send me with a word processing unit that looked almost exactly like the one that you just saw on the last page. Like, almost identical. Like, hinged in the middle. Yeah. With, like, the tiny little screen that you can see in the middle. And, like, just, I wrote, I used to fucking work off that thing.
[0:40:11] Unidentified: It's crazy.
[0:40:12] Gavin: Did it come in a big briefcase or a Pally case for the army? He had some version of that, yeah.
[0:40:17] Unidentified: Yeah. And then this is how Andrew typed. He was just hanging out with his frog, pressing his stomach, getting the letters in. Yeah, the caps lock key was on the right hand. That's the only important button to know. Oh. Oh.
[0:40:32] Gavin: Get that IQ. Oh, a word spin. I had one of those.
[0:40:35] Unidentified: You had a word spin? I had a word spin. I hate this stuff.
[0:40:38] Gavin: I don't remember what you did with it.
[0:40:40] Unidentified: Spun words. I think you spin words, yeah.
[0:40:43] Gavin: Yeah, but what's the game? Like, do you have to make words or do you just have to?
[0:40:45] Unidentified: I think you just make as many words as you can with spins. Oh. Countdowns.
[0:40:51] Gavin: Oh.
[0:40:52] Unidentified: Five.
[0:40:53] Gavin: There's so much dormant shit in my brain. Learning is so much fun. Bullshit.
[0:40:57] Unidentified: I love this. It's fucking fun. There's a lot of that. That font is fun.
[0:41:02] Gavin: Word art font.
[0:41:03] Geoff: Yeah. Look at, like, fucking baby's first expanding folder. It's like, do you want to organize your taxes?
[0:41:10] Unidentified: Oh, dad, I want to be like you. Can you teach me how to balance my checkbook? Where do I keep my receipts? Well, you're not going to learn it in school, so yeah.
[0:41:19] Gavin: Do you think anyone who bought M, the Billionaires Club, became a billionaire?
[0:41:23] Unidentified: Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
[0:41:25] Gavin: That's what they look, this is how they dress, too.
[0:41:28] Unidentified: I love that they went with billionaire. Yeah, billionaire. Think big. Yeah, baby. You'd be a millionaire?
[0:41:34] Geoff: Ugh. Ugh. Lame. Lame. Who do you work for? I work for VTech.
[0:41:41] Unidentified: The Equalizer. Oh, here we go. The affordable laptop. T.O.
[0:41:47] Geoff: 300. For what? Mouse on the left side.
[0:41:52] Unidentified: At least it's, like, not a DOS prompt. Well, what's funny is that this is a laptop that you can't connect to the internet to. Yeah. Like, it's all, it's great.
[0:42:02] Gavin: It's just there. Also, M, the power zone, just looks like when you used to get too many pop-ups. I love they're advertising how annoying that's going to be to close all this.
[0:42:11] Unidentified: Oh, my God. Why would you ever need to close something?
[0:42:15] Geoff: The Canon BJC 255 Bubble Jet printer for VTech doesn't look that different from the Canon printer I could buy at Best Buy right now. Was Bubble Jet before Ink Jet? Yeah. Yeah, it went Bubble, Ink, and then, I don't know.
[0:42:32] Unidentified: And then I don't know.
[0:42:34] Geoff: And then I stopped giving a shit about printing stuff. Bubbles sound cheaper.
[0:42:38] Unidentified: Oh, my God. It's Barbie Elvis. There you go. Emily has this one. Emily has that one. Emily has this one. Emily has that one. All right.
[0:42:45] Gavin: How many peacocks did they kill for these Barbies?
[0:42:48] Unidentified: Jeez, I'm kidding. Look at the Elvis Presley TV. Look at him. TV special.
[0:42:54] Geoff: 1968 TV special. Every little girl's dream to have a 1968 Elvis doll in 1998.
[0:43:01] Unidentified: Yeah. Uptown chic Barbie. Great. They loved Elvis that. This is cool.
[0:43:06] Geoff: This is like Sex and the City Barbie.
[0:43:08] Unidentified: This is like Sopranos, Gumar, like, coat Barbie. That's pretty cool. That's awesome. Wow. Romeo and Juliet Barbie? Audrey Hepburn? That's just Audrey Hepburn. Ken has a fucking knife in his belt. Get him. Yeah. Draw down. Go, Ken. Go. WNBA Barbie. Awesome.
[0:43:37] Geoff: WNBA Barbie. Wow.
[0:43:39] Unidentified: Christy, Barbie, Teresa, and Kira, and they have NBA Bulls in the Caucasian Not Shown. What the fuck? Are these the cheerleaders? NBA commemorative? Bulls, Lakers, Knicks. And then University Barbie. They are. They're the cheerleaders, I think. How weird. No, here's Lakers Barbie. No Celtics, huh?
[0:44:01] Geoff: I would have bought one of those if they made Celtics ones.
[0:44:04] Unidentified: Jeff, Alabama's on there, but not shown.
[0:44:07] Geoff: I would consider getting a University of Alabama Barbie.
[0:44:10] Unidentified: University of Alabama, not shown. Oh, there's Texas. There's Texas.
[0:44:14] Geoff: Do you know why it probably weren't supposed to show? Wheelchair. Wheelchair. In 1998, I think Alabama was still serving a suspension. Oh, awesome. I think that they almost got blackballed in, like, 94, and so they might not have been allowed to appear.
[0:44:31] Unidentified: More Barbies. Lots of Barbies. Tommy doesn't look well. No.
[0:44:37] Geoff: Cool sitter, teen skipper. Teen skipper gets around, apparently, four times.
[0:44:41] Unidentified: She's a cool sitter. Oh, she says sitter. Yeah, she's... Oh. Those aren't her kids. No, she's just simply watching for children. Yeah. Wow. This is awesome. What? Barbie photo designer, digital camera, and CD-ROM. Now you can be in pictures with Barbie, and that's great. Detective Barbie.
[0:45:01] Geoff: They actually storyboarded the Barbie movie with that. Yeah. Yeah. I like it they called games CD-ROMs back then. Yeah.
[0:45:07] Unidentified: I'm pretty sure Funhaus played this Barbie Riding Club game in a video.
[0:45:12] Geoff: You mean the Barbie Riding Club CD-ROM?
[0:45:15] Unidentified: Yeah. I'm pretty sure they played that. Get it right, please. Yeah, of course. Cool looks, fashion designer. Oh, cool looks, Barbie. Oh, a lot of Barbie. Wait. Hang on. Wait, hang on. I'm sorry. I have to go back real quick. Software for girls.
[0:45:32] Gavin: Jesus.
[0:45:35] Geoff: Hey! All right. I guess I'll get fucked then.
[0:45:37] Unidentified: This is software for girls. What if I want to be a detective? Oh, man. This is just... Show Emily. Let Emily know about this.
[0:45:47] Geoff: I will. I wish she was home right now.
[0:45:48] Unidentified: I'm going to show this to Amanda.
[0:45:50] Geoff: Oh, no. Look out. Barbie horses. Dude, I recognize that Barbie motorhome. Great. I think Emily has that, maybe. I think there's a donkey. Barbie is like a donkey friend.
[0:46:02] Unidentified: Keep it away from Gavin, though. Wow. They really expanded Barbie. This is just not even Barbie stuff. Answering machine. Boombox. That boombox is cool.
[0:46:11] Geoff: Conference phone. Great. Barbie CD player. The disc girl. Oh, that's so cute. Wow. I wonder if that Barbie disc girl. $15. That's cheap. Oh, no.
[0:46:25] Unidentified: What is that guy? Whatever this is. Tech guys. I want this. Mouse Guitar Junior. Why is that the picture? I don't know. Maybe it's to warn people to keep this man away from your kids.
[0:46:41] Geoff: Yeah. Have you seen this man?
[0:46:43] Unidentified: I don't like Holiday Hero Buzz Lightyear either. He's a little too smug. He looks too shined.
[0:46:48] Gavin: He looks like DLC skin.
[0:46:50] Unidentified: He does. Absolutely. Yeah. That's a great descriptor. Microtransaction. Oh, shit. Unauthorized biography. Oh, man. Was this everywhere just for you growing up, Gavin?
[0:47:03] Gavin: Yeah.
[0:47:04] Unidentified: It was just like inescapable, right?
[0:47:06] Gavin: Is this before Ginger Spice left? I guess it is.
[0:47:09] Unidentified: Yeah. This is 90. This would be 98. So it's. Yeah, it's right before.
[0:47:14] Geoff: How many times in your life, Eric, did you wish for a Spice Girl for Christmas? Santa, please. All I want for Christmas. Any Spice Girl. I don't care which one. Like a toy or. No, I think there's a lot of ambiguity in the way they said that. All I want for Christmas is a Spice Girl. Uh-huh. But I'll settle for a Spice Girl's deluxe cosmetic set, a mouse pad stationery set, pins and pencils, a pencil case, play shoes, a shoulder bag, a secret diary, and an electric organizer.
[0:47:46] Unidentified: I mean, I was a big ginger spice guy.
[0:47:48] Geoff: Who's everybody's favorite Spice Girl?
[0:47:50] Unidentified: I like sporty spice. I think baby.
[0:47:56] Geoff: Okay.
[0:47:57] Unidentified: Sporty's cool.
[0:47:57] Geoff: Uh, Nick. It's a bit of bunting.
[0:47:59] Unidentified: Yeah, sporty.
[0:48:00] Geoff: I was a sporty fan as well.
[0:48:02] Unidentified: Huh. Wow. Posh. In the mud. Oh, no. Andrew, look away. Oh, God. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, this one. Tell me when it's safe. This one's turning the corner. He was hiding behind the barrel, and now he's coming for you. Is he going to sneak up on you?
[0:48:22] Gavin: A horse and an explosive barrel?
[0:48:24] Unidentified: Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I thought it said sniper next to barrel. Oh, man. Jeff, did you have Cabbage Patch when you were growing up?
[0:48:32] Geoff: Nah.
[0:48:33] Unidentified: Yeah.
[0:48:34] Geoff: No, I did not. It was, uh... Oh, what the? I thought they were weird, and I didn't get the appeal. I thought they were weird. Also, to be honest, it was like girl stuff to me when I was a kid.
[0:48:45] Unidentified: Look, it's Babe again. Wow.
[0:48:49] Geoff: He's back. Splash and shiver. Oh, baby gets cold. Baby gets cold when you dunk it in cold water.
[0:48:58] Unidentified: Who'd have thunk? Splash and shiver. Snoopy! Oh! Snoopy! He's everyone's best friend. This is not what Snoopy looks like. This is not... Also, Snoopy's traveling band would not be five different Snoopys. It would be Snoopy and his brothers and sister. Please grow up. But that puppy's so real. Oh, I guess this is sort of what they're going for. You can see he's got like an... There's an Olaf sort of situation here. This might be Belle. I don't know. Spike might be driving, but it doesn't look like Spike. So, I mean, that really leaves, what, Snoopy? Maybe Andy? I don't know. I don't think they were accurate with their portrayal of the Snoopys here. I'll take your word for it. Another set from Coors Light's DJ, Beer Wolf. Well, you know how to howl, don't you? You just put your lips together and... Coors Light's iconic Beer Wolf is back. And he'll be DJing some of Canada's biggest music festivals this summer.
[0:50:00] Unidentified: Follow Coors Light Canada on Instagram and TikTok to track DJ Beer Wolf. And stay locked in for his Feral Summer 26 tour. Must be legal drinking age. Celebrate responsibly. Some things are better when they're kept simple. Like Simply Lemonade, made with real lemons and cane sugar. Giving you a fresh, all-natural taste that shines through in every sip. It's the kind of drink that turns an everyday moment into something a little more special. Bright, refreshing, and crafted for people who appreciate the real thing. Visit the chill juice aisle in your local grocery store today and say yes to simple.
[0:50:39] Gavin: Happy meal at fake McDonald's? This country's crazy.
[0:50:48] Geoff: How are kids gonna know to eat McDonald's when they grow up if you don't teach them as children?
[0:50:57] Unidentified: It's true. Yeah. Do you think about being a franchise owner? Yeah.
[0:51:04] Gavin: Where's the plastic melting pot?
[0:51:07] Geoff: More Rugrats. Who the fuck is Annie and why does she get a Sun and Fun Camper? Why am I supposed to buy into Annie's bullshit? I'm already into Barbie and now I gotta like Annie too.
[0:51:17] Unidentified: I think, you know.
[0:51:19] Geoff: Ugh.
[0:51:20] Unidentified: Yeah. More Barbie. Oh. More Barbie. I think Emily probably had a bunch of this stuff. Wow, a $7 rebate.
[0:51:28] Geoff: All right. I remember that Barbie styling head being a big deal.
[0:51:32] Unidentified: Oh, yeah. Is that how Emily got her start?
[0:51:34] Geoff: Yeah, I think so. She worked on one of those for like the first two years she was in school.
[0:51:41] Unidentified: That hair doesn't grow back, though. What is Looney Tunes down here? Is it all Looney? They just keep throwing like the same logo? On it? Is that all this is? I guess. Yeah.
[0:51:50] Geoff: I think so. It's like things we could fit a logo on.
[0:51:54] Unidentified: Put Taz on it, idiot. All right. That gear organizer. Yeah. I like this. This is a cool dog, but nothing's happening here that is really grabbing me. Oh, that dog's dead. Musical keyboard.
[0:52:08] Geoff: Got the shoes and shoe box if you want to.
[0:52:11] Unidentified: Oh, great. Oh, wow. For Christmas, I want somewhere to keep my shoes.
[0:52:15] Geoff: All your jellies.
[0:52:16] Unidentified: Garden house.
[0:52:18] Geoff: Super activity set. Man, this is a Barbie heavy catalog.
[0:52:24] Unidentified: Well, it's very Barbie heavy. What do you expect?
[0:52:27] Geoff: I was going to go with G.I. Joe or Transformers at some point.
[0:52:30] Unidentified: This is Mega Mike. Whoa. Baskin Robbins. Nick has found his niche here, which is just the food things. Oh, I guess that is kind of my thing, huh? You can make ice cream. You can make cookies. You can make, what are those? A 59-piece cake baking and decorating set. Oh, shit. Or a 109-piece. Here's 109. Oof. $30. Jeez. How much is that today? Let's find out. That's crazy. Might be hopping on eBay.
[0:53:00] Geoff: Yeah, 56. Dream Garden Giggle and Grow Nursery is fucking terrifying looking.
[0:53:08] Unidentified: Yeah. It looks like it's going to eat you. That's a nightmare. At the top. Giggle and Grow. Cool. Whoa, what's Taz doing down here, though?
[0:53:16] Geoff: He's eat your laundry. Dude, hell yeah. So he's tweeting.
[0:53:19] Unidentified: He's a hooper hamper. That's awesome.
[0:53:21] Geoff: Also, the Dream Garden Strawberry Sunshine Baby is terrifying.
[0:53:26] Unidentified: Oh, my God. Pick me up or die.
[0:53:33] Geoff: Dog shit there. Yep.
[0:53:39] Unidentified: Zap, zap, racetrack. Is this what you think the... What? Fun Noodle? Well, Andrew, the thing at the bottom, is this what you think the... What was the leg-crossing thing that you have to run back and forth? Sewing machine? Sewing machine? Yeah. Is that what this is?
[0:53:57] Geoff: No. Oh. Looks nothing like it. Could you do the sewing machine on the Fun Noodle Tumble Fun Mat? No, you could. Well, I mean, you could do the move, but it'd be pointless.
[0:54:07] Unidentified: That wouldn't show any of your agility off. You need a ladder. You need a ladder on the floor to do it. Oh, okay. If you say so.
[0:54:15] Geoff: Hug a bear. Do you think, Andrew, you'd be a little less scared at night if you had a hug a bear night lighter?
[0:54:21] Unidentified: Oh, I would have been way less scared at night, yeah. Bad life advice, though, in a general sense, but for sleeping at night, would have helped. Night lighter makes it seem like you can actually light a match with it, though. Yeah. Which is pretty cool.
[0:54:36] Geoff: Yeah. You'll be less scared if you go to sleep with open flame.
[0:54:41] Unidentified: Save me fire. Oh, easy pick up. That's cool. Don't mix up the stuff on the top with the stuff on the bottom. It's just... Some is food, some is Play-Doh. That McDonald's Play-Doh looks real good. Uh-oh. And Play-Doh tastes like shit. Oh, hey. Oh, Snoopy. So the Snoopy snow cone machine, they just re-released at Knott's Berry Farm. Oh! And you can get a Snoopy snow cone machine. They're selling it for Christmas. Let's go.
[0:55:08] Geoff: I feel like we should have one of those to make snow cones.
[0:55:11] Unidentified: A Snoopy snow cone machine? I own one. You do? Do you really? I do, yeah. I bought one at, like, a thrift store. Does it work? It worked well when it was new. I never understood Anne of Green Gables. I didn't get the fandom. Bed. This wooden bed has a mattress, a pillow, a quilt-like bedspread. Quilt-like bedspread. Fits doll. Bed. Fits doll. Fits doll. Bed. Fits doll. Not you. Little Tykes is just Fisher-Price under a different name.
[0:55:55] Geoff: Yes. I also feel like all this shit, the kids this age would be too young to fully enjoy and understand this catalog. You got it.
[0:56:04] Unidentified: This is, uh, oh, you can be a vet. This is fun.
[0:56:07] Geoff: It can't be for the parents because as a parent, I know when your kid is this age, you either buy what they point at on the TV, or you just go 10 minutes before, like, the night before and go, ah, fuck, and you run to Target and you just buy what's there. Yeah. And you're like, ah, she's two. She's not gonna care.
[0:56:24] Unidentified: Also true. I loved the light bright as a kid.
[0:56:27] Geoff: Mm-hmm. Hell yeah. I never had one. That kid's sitting on a toilet.
[0:56:30] Unidentified: I have a Singer sewing machine, so, and they don't look like this. Interesting that Singer made, like, toy sewing machines. I wonder, did it actually sew? It has the foot control, the tension dial. It seems like it's a sewing machine.
[0:56:49] Gavin: I thought it would have had a needle that could do that.
[0:56:52] Unidentified: And accessories. Needle, bobbin, and spool of thread. Whoa.
[0:56:56] Gavin: But was the needle a needle or was it a piece of plastic?
[0:56:57] Unidentified: I have no idea. Like, it just seems very weird that this has made it all.
[0:57:02] Geoff: It's not gonna come with an AC adapter if it's not a real fucking sewing machine.
[0:57:07] Unidentified: It's an AC adapter there under G. You can get the AC adapter. Oh, weird. Wow. Very weird. Oh, here we go. Got a friend in me. A girl across the street had this where you put beads in their hair. She loved it. Oh. Electronic talking room guard Buzz Lightyear and Woody? What? Motion sensor activates security alarm. Each comes with secret passcode. Memory detects if correct code entered and gives friendly greeting or intruder alert. That is, like, a thing you'd read as a kid and be like, that's so fucking cool. And then you'd get it and it's just useless. There's no point of it. It does nothing. My mom would go to do the laundry and then she would go, what? This thing won't shut up. Teddy warm heart. Put the teddy in a sleeping bag and microwave for one minute. You'll stay warm for four hours.
[0:58:08] Unidentified: Talk about a night lighter. Wow.
[0:58:12] Geoff: That's awesome. That's awful. I want that.
[0:58:18] Unidentified: Lion King. Wow. Oh, my God. That mother goose is a... Yeah. Yeah. That's terrible. A cat named Bob. Mungos? What is this? Mungos World Tour. And then we got a bunch of Lion King stuff down here.
[0:58:39] Geoff: I just got a news alert. I just got a news alert that says, Dead Longhorn found at Oklahoma State Frat House one day before school faces Texas. Oh, my God. No. Do you think they mean a... Like the animal? They mean the animal, right? I think so. Yeah, absolutely.
[0:59:00] Unidentified: Hopefully somebody called in with their Crayola phone. Megablocks. Now we're getting just... Megablocks. What is Naval Command? Night Chopper. Creature Seekers.
[0:59:13] Geoff: Night Chopper has serious airwolf vibes.
[0:59:16] Unidentified: Oh, big. Yeah. I want to be this kid in H with the sunglasses in his backpack.
[0:59:22] Gavin: Plastic backpack.
[0:59:27] Unidentified: A horse. Oh, no. A horse. I prefer zebras when I ride. What the fuck is going on with that Woody? That Woody looks so... What is happening with his head? Is there a snake in my brain? Tumbling, talking Woody looks terrible. There's a snake in my brain. Oh, wow. It's almost Legos. Mmm. I could get behind this. I used to get behind this kind of stuff.
[1:00:00] Geoff: Really? Yeah.
[1:00:01] Unidentified: Like the not Lego stuff?
[1:00:04] Geoff: Yeah. Yeah, sure. Why not? But it's a little bigger and chunkier. Like Duplos, Megablocks. Yeah.
[1:00:10] Unidentified: What castle? I had the castle in the last page. In the last page. Oh, really? Yeah.
[1:00:13] Geoff: Dude, that forklift is fucking cool. I had that. I had that castle. Could he lift up his parents?
[1:00:18] Unidentified: Yeah. Oh, he could lift up his parents. Yeah. That dude that Jeff used to hang out with back in school could have used that. The great outdoors? What? Could you imagine your kid saying they want a patio table? Yeah, right? A patio table. I want a bench. I want to enjoy a brunch with my friends on the veranda, mother.
[1:00:44] Geoff: Dad, I need a place to store my toys. I don't want to leave them all out all over the floor where you can step on them. Can I have a two-in-one toy box so I can put stuff away? If that was said to me.
[1:00:55] Unidentified: Yes. Yes, you can. My son? That's that, yeah. Now, here's the thing. This is what I remember from the 90s, which was poorly licensed, poorly produced licensed things. Batman on some stuff. Looney Tunes on some stuff. Barbie on some stuff. Rugrats on some stuff. That is...
[1:01:16] Geoff: A couple things.
[1:01:17] Unidentified: That's what I remember.
[1:01:19] Geoff: It's so crinkly shit. I'm not mad. I'm not mad at that Batman set at all, but also, too, you can tell that this was scanned in because somebody X'd the Batman. Yeah.
[1:01:28] Unidentified: I was going to say, there was one or two other ones on other pages that we'd seen that also, and it's like, oh, they must have wanted that. 101 Dalmatians on some stuff. This is just...
[1:01:37] Geoff: All right, here's a question. If you're going... On this page alone, you've got to choose between... Hang on, let me get back. Go back. We have to... You've got to choose between Dalmatians, Mickey, and Pooh Bear. Who are you picking?
[1:01:51] Unidentified: Probably Mickey.
[1:01:53] Geoff: I'm going Pooh.
[1:01:54] Unidentified: I want the tree stump Pooh. Yeah, I'm going Pooh Bear. Yeah.
[1:01:57] Geoff: I'm going Mickey, too, because it looks like Donald Duck is on it as well.
[1:02:03] Unidentified: Yeah, yeah. He's down there doing construction with Pluto and Goofy. Yeah. And, you know, they're not super well-versed at, like, what they're doing here, but they are, you know, they're trying, and I think that's great.
[1:02:14] Geoff: The rabbit's house is fucking cute, though.
[1:02:16] Unidentified: It's also just called Mickey Stuff. Stuff. Just stuff. Bean Bags.
[1:02:24] Gavin: How to be a little Taz chair.
[1:02:26] Unidentified: Yeah, that's pretty cool. $5. Hey, Jeff, what was up with dudes in, like, the 80s that just got Tasmanian Devil tattooed on them?
[1:02:36] Geoff: They were very popular. What was with that? The 80s, it was all about the Tasmanian Devil and the Notre Dame Fighting Irish guy. Yeah. That's all we cared about. Yeah.
[1:02:43] Unidentified: Very weird. Very weird.
[1:02:44] Geoff: Those were the only two tattoos until tribal tattoos were invented.
[1:02:46] Unidentified: Yeah, you just knew guys who just had that. Wow. This person was, like, all about this page. Give me the high-back video chair, Andrew.
[1:02:55] Geoff: Oh, Andrew, we might have a new chair solution for you.
[1:03:01] Unidentified: You got a long back. It's a high chair. Oh, I like that.
[1:03:04] Gavin: Those kids are in the lab.
[1:03:13] Unidentified: That's great. This looks like a horror movie. A sports toddler bed? Yes. What is sporty about that? Oh, it's like a football and hockey stick on the end.
[1:03:25] Gavin: That guy in H is prototyping the sphere in Vegas.
[1:03:30] Unidentified: It's this, but bigger. You can go inside.
[1:03:34] Geoff: He's like, what are you doing, Billy? He's like, I'm stuffing Bono in this. This is where U2 goes.
[1:03:40] Unidentified: What the fuck? U2? You don't know storage. I had a neighbor who had this thing. You can go inside of it, but I was, I think, like, a little bit too big.
[1:03:53] Gavin: To fit in?
[1:03:54] Unidentified: Oh, chairs. More chairs. Oh, cowboys. Honestly, this baseball one, pretty cool.
[1:04:01] Geoff: Dude, I'm a much bigger basketball than baseball fan, but I'm going hard baseball if I'm picking one of those chairs.
[1:04:06] Unidentified: That baseball chair is awesome. I would throw it all over the place. That kid in G is crawling through the anal passage.
[1:04:15] Geoff: I love the team options they give you. They're like, listen, you can get the Cowboys, the Packers, the Bears, the Broncos, the Patriots, the Steelers, the 49ers, the Panthers. That's it. That's it. No other teams exist. Since this magazine came out, the Cowboys still have not won a Super Bowl.
[1:04:30] Unidentified: That's awesome. Oh, wow. Fuck yeah. What is this shit? A time blaster? Yeah, I remember this stuff. My brother, I think, had, I want to say he had the time blaster or something like that.
[1:04:44] Gavin: Talk blaster?
[1:04:47] Unidentified: Photo blaster, quad shot camera. Talk blaster. Finger blaster? Oh. Man. This is, Nickelodeon had a real grip on stuff.
[1:04:59] Geoff: Uh-huh.
[1:05:01] Unidentified: Boring.
[1:05:02] Gavin: Space sharing.
[1:05:03] Geoff: This is Gavin's science shit.
[1:05:05] Gavin: I would have wanted one of these.
[1:05:08] Geoff: Yeah. I know. That's why I'm making fun of you. Ooh, more science. Ooh, science. Oh, man. Gross. HBO, suck my dick. This is my jam. This is a toy section.
[1:05:16] Unidentified: It's only 30 bucks, man. It was. What a steal. Math, the VHS, hell yeah. Whatever is going on with phonics, that's me.
[1:05:27] Gavin: I really want to watch the phonics, VHS. Damn, you got hooked on them.
[1:05:33] Unidentified: 45 minutes of phonics? The Civil War? Oh, is that by- Father, father, I must learn of our nation and its dark history. I must see what happened in Gettysburg. I just wanted the great sports montage, but I had to get the Civil War box set with it. The tapes aren't labeled properly, so I just put them on and hope for the best. Yep. Is anything on here? Okay, right here. Bible stories with cassette. Hell yeah. Nick, we're about to learn about the love of Christ and everything that he's done for you. You're welcome. But what about the veggies? Where is God when I'm scared? Whoa! Not for kids. Dude, hey, at 12 years old, was this 1998? At 12 years old, I was going, guys, get me Cary Grant.
[1:06:29] Geoff: Yeah, I want the Bonanza four-tape set, and if they don't have that, I want World War II.
[1:06:35] Unidentified: I want Andy Griffith's show, a thing that was always on TV and I never watched.
[1:06:41] Geoff: Hey, I know I'm six years old and it's 1998, but could you get me the four-disc set of Hits of the 70s? If they don't have that, I want Golden Band Era.
[1:06:54] Unidentified: Best of sports bloopers. Christmas with the stars. 25 hits on two CDs. Awesome. Sweet. Mommy, can I have Alfred Hitchcock four-tape set? I really like birds. Oh, here we go. You can form a band now. You just had to get 100 pages in or whatever. You and your brother can put this all together. You can have the drums. Brother has a guitar. It's great. Sin Sonics. Oh, electric. Here we go. Look, Grandpa can read his newspaper and these idiots can strum like morons. It's great. Everything you want. I wonder how much Grandpa got paid for that photo. Yeah, right. Be here. Oh, my God. Oh, band nerd shit. Here we go. Check it out. A page for getting beat up. Hey, man.
[1:07:44] Geoff: Could you imagine joining band and then rolling up with your $100 flute?
[1:07:52] Gavin: Even more drums.
[1:07:54] Unidentified: More drums. Drums hot in 98, dude.
[1:07:57] Gavin: Turnable bongos.
[1:07:59] Unidentified: Who is this? Is this Chris Ria or whatever?
[1:08:04] Gavin: He's driving home for Christmas.
[1:08:06] Unidentified: It's a guy who really wants to be John Mellencamp. Mm-hmm. Oh, man. Man, a lot of instruments. Yeah. So many instruments.
[1:08:16] Geoff: A whole lot of options if you want to get into music in 1998. Yeah.
[1:08:20] Unidentified: Cassette player with nightlight. Yeah. Put some cassettes on for your child. Here we go.
[1:08:24] Gavin: Karaoke. Karaoke.
[1:08:26] Unidentified: Oh.
[1:08:27] Gavin: 200 bucks. What parent would buy this for their kids?
[1:08:29] Unidentified: $350. Jeez.
[1:08:33] Geoff: Oh, it's got the graphics. Man. Wow. A parent that really loves their kid. God damn.
[1:08:37] Unidentified: Yeah. And hates themselves.
[1:08:39] Gavin: Parents who wants no peace and quiet. Yeah.
[1:08:42] Unidentified: Sing it. Sing it. Encore.
[1:08:48] Gavin: I grew up in such a non-musical family. I can't even relate. I can't imagine my parents buying this shit for me. Same. No. 100%.
[1:08:56] Unidentified: Man. Just some Yamaha headphones. What the fuck is the wacky sax? Jesus.
[1:09:04] Gavin: One man band sax?
[1:09:06] Unidentified: I got the drums. My brother got the guitar and our friend Andrew got something called the wacky sax and he said he wants to start a band. It's like if Homer Simpson invented an instrument.
[1:09:19] Geoff: So I'm not seeing. Oh. The Homer. Nope. I'm not seeing the wacky sax on eBay. But we should look into it. If we can find one. Maybe we should start a band where we only play instruments from this catalog. A five piece band.
[1:09:34] Gavin: Did they run out of walkie talkies so they just repurposed a couple of phones? Like who are they kidding with D there?
[1:09:40] Unidentified: Yeah. Also, just want to point out that the electronic guitar with microphone and speaker is marked here. Yeah. Do you think they got it? Do you think they got it? No. Oh. No. Fuck. Absolutely not.
[1:09:54] Gavin: Is this just a scan of like one person's catalog? I think so.
[1:09:58] Geoff: Yeah. Yeah.
[1:09:59] Unidentified: Sea monkeys. Go to hell. Free range ants. What are you trying to? Free range. Stop trying to trick us into learning you assholes. Pottery wheel. Toy factory.
[1:10:11] Gavin: Do you think sea monkeys from 98 would actually hatch?
[1:10:15] Geoff: You mean now? Sure. Why not? Right? They just didn't they just defrost a 40,000 year old worm? There are two kinds of shit. It immediately started to asexually reproduce.
[1:10:29] Unidentified: Frog lab. Frog lab. Without that. You don't even need a frog. Just cut it open. Fake frog. Mold your own frog. Then learn the amazing things about the frog inside. Okay. Yeah. So they just like you mold one and then you cut it open.
[1:10:44] Gavin: What do you mold it with?
[1:10:45] Unidentified: I don't know.
[1:10:46] Gavin: Like goo?
[1:10:47] Unidentified: Yeah. Yeah. Goo. Yeah. It's goo. Frog goo. You get your own frog goo. Wow. Nail salon. Nail salon. Hell yeah. Paint and swirl. You got nails? Insect lab. Invisible horse. Oh, visible horse.
[1:11:03] Geoff: Oh, God. That reminds me. Maybe I should talk to you while I have your attention here. Antonio and I were talking last night about starting a self-care club where like once a month we go get mani-pedis together. Do you want anybody want in on that?
[1:11:17] Unidentified: I'm way in. I'll go. I could use that. All right.
[1:11:20] Geoff: Absolutely. I'll keep you guys apprised of when it happens.
[1:11:22] Unidentified: I'm in, dude. That's great. I love it.
[1:11:24] Gavin: That kid on the left kind of looks like Kenneth from 30 Rock.
[1:11:29] Unidentified: Oh. Yeah. You're right. He looks like Righteous Gemstones. Oh.
[1:11:36] Geoff: Oh, the older son?
[1:11:38] Unidentified: No, the blonde like husband. Oh. Fucking. BJ. Yeah, BJ. Yeah. He just looks like BJ. God, it shows so good. Yeah.
[1:11:49] Geoff: When Eric Andre calls him Little Dolly or Little Debbie right before he shoots him.
[1:11:54] Unidentified: This is just paints and crayons. Get out of here.
[1:11:59] Geoff: I also don't care about this.
[1:12:00] Unidentified: No. Oh, no. Bitch.
[1:12:02] Geoff: Is that a gun? What the hell? Whoa. Is that like a magic shooting gallery? Whoa. You see that B guy right there? B. Human anatomy male science kid? Yeah. The ring bearer from the wedding, Dash. He got me that for Christmas last year. It's in my closet. What? Yeah. It's in my fucking closet right now. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. So what do you do? Just look at it? We gotta do something. Well, the way it worked last Christmas is he gave it to you and he said, hey, I got this for you for Christmas and I opened up and I was like, oh, cool. Human anatomy think stash. And he goes, yeah, cool. Can I play with it now? And I was like, oh, awesome.
[1:12:33] Unidentified: Oh, nice. That kid knows what's up. I like it. Classic child stuff.
[1:12:38] Gavin: It looks like Kevin Bacon in that movie.
[1:12:40] Unidentified: Oh, he did. With Elizabeth Chu. Babylon 5. Magnet game. Board game. This is, uh, I think I'm worried that we're getting into the board game section. We are.
[1:12:59] Geoff: I know Xena was a big deal. I lived through the Xena era. But at the time that it was on the air, I never met a single person who watched it.
[1:13:12] Unidentified: I think nobody wanted to admit it. I, yeah. They were all online in 1997. It was so weird. I just like, it was, I remember thinking like, how is this show? Like, I don't know a single human being that launches it, but it seems so popular. Go back for a minute, Eric. Sure. What is Titanic the board game? Gossip with other passengers. Receive telegrams and collect all five pieces of your personal property to advance from second class to the first class section of the ship. But watch out. You might get put back in steerage. Or worse yet, never make it to your lifeboat on time. You can die in Titanic the game.
[1:13:52] Gavin: Did you ever play this CD-ROM game of Titanic? No. And it had maybe the worst music I've ever heard in a game. Like, all the music was like.
[1:14:00] Unidentified: We need to look into that. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's good.
[1:14:04] Geoff: That is such a fucked up game, that Titanic board game.
[1:14:07] Unidentified: It's terrible. It's really fucked up. What, this grandfather clock for Christmas?
[1:14:11] Geoff: It's like, make your way past the women and children to secure your spot.
[1:14:15] Unidentified: Billy Zane style. Yeah, you've drawn the, this is my child card.
[1:14:19] Gavin: Oh, Puzz 3D. I always wanted one of these, but they were all, oh, they're actually not expensive. Why didn't I get one?
[1:14:27] Unidentified: Hang on, I was lied to.
[1:14:29] Gavin: I don't think the Mount Rushmore was available for my market.
[1:14:33] Unidentified: Cookie cop. Do you think they had a Stonehenge?
[1:14:35] Gavin: That'd be a pretty easy puzzle.
[1:14:42] Unidentified: Yeah, it would.
[1:14:44] Gavin: Would you say it's the best Henge?
[1:14:46] Unidentified: Yeah. I would think so, yeah. It's gotta be up there. I had Twister. Operations, Battleship. We had Bop It. Bop It. Bop It was cool, I guess.
[1:14:59] Geoff: How about this?
[1:15:00] Gavin: All the bullshit.
[1:15:01] Geoff: Are there any games here that you haven't owned or played? SpyWeb, maybe. I've never heard of SpyWeb.
[1:15:07] Unidentified: Yeah.
[1:15:08] Geoff: Lionheart. I might still have that Trivial Pursuit Star Wars edition. I never played Gate at Golf.
[1:15:14] Unidentified: Oh, you give it a whack, and it throws it right back.
[1:15:18] Geoff: We used to play Bop It at T&I all the time, Gus and I did.
[1:15:20] Unidentified: Yeah, hell yeah.
[1:15:21] Geoff: Dude, I watched the Best Friends Today do live Operation. The other day, that was pretty fucking funny. What was that at Extra Life we were doing?
[1:15:30] Unidentified: Yeah, they did a great job. Let's see. More fishing. More fishing, yeah. Oh my god, I have this Disney game. It is on the thing right behind me. It is right here. Oh, really? Yeah, it is right here. This game fucking sucks. It's impossible. I still have it. The trivia is awful. Yeah, I take it to parties and make people play it, and they get mad every time. Is it from 98? Oh, yeah. So the trivia is all old as balls. It's like the oldest shit in the world. And some of it's irrelevant now, or it's asking questions that have nothing to do with Disney movies at all. Men are from Mars.
[1:16:12] Gavin: 3D tic-tac-toe? Toss across?
[1:16:16] Unidentified: I had a friend who had this. Oh, yeah, you play it with beanbags, right? Yeah, you throw it, and then you're trying, you know, you're X, and you throw it, and you're trying to get it to, like, land on X, but sometimes it'll go O, and you're like, ah, and still, like, mess it up.
[1:16:27] Geoff: Yeah. Or does it, like, okay, cool.
[1:16:29] Unidentified: Yeah.
[1:16:30] Geoff: I thought it was, like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1:16:32] Unidentified: And then men are from Mars, women are from Venus game. Great. Cool.
[1:16:37] Gavin: Love it. You can learn about the difference between men and women.
[1:16:39] Unidentified: Finally, but in a fun, but in a very fun format. Hip hoppers? Whoa. What the fuck?
[1:16:49] Geoff: These lovable 12-inch tall animals hip hop to a jam and beat.
[1:16:56] Unidentified: You read it like you can't believe it's written.
[1:16:59] Gavin: You can get Sasha or Quincy for $20. This is full of aliens. There's a lot of stock cars in this catalog.
[1:17:06] Unidentified: Yeah, really. NASCAR was big in the 90s. That might be the, what page are we on? 148?
[1:17:15] Geoff: 131?
[1:17:16] Unidentified: Yeah, this says 131, yeah.
[1:17:17] Geoff: I think that might be the first gun we've seen.
[1:17:21] Unidentified: No, no, there was a shooting game. Oh, the alien gun. That arcade thing, yeah.
[1:17:25] Geoff: Oh, okay. That might be the second game we've seen. Gun?
[1:17:29] Unidentified: You mean?
[1:17:31] Gavin: Are they muzzle-loading the Super Soaker?
[1:17:33] Unidentified: Yeah, yeah, that was a Super Soaker that you could, like, stick down, attach it to a hose, and it filled in from the front.
[1:17:40] Geoff: We've been talking for so long now. I'm really starting to lose it. I started to lose it. I read that last page. It was like, I read it as Christy. That's a bit Christy for my taste.
[1:17:55] Unidentified: This is just trees. Oh, bubble gum. I love gumball machines. As a kid.
[1:18:02] Geoff: As a kid. What do you have against them as an adult? I can buy gum anytime.
[1:18:08] Unidentified: There are simply more adult ways for me to consume my gum. Yeah. And gumballs lose flavor a lot faster than regular gumballs. Yeah, they do. Jeff, when you are no longer a child, you put away childish things. I still like a gumball machine. Cake in the mail?
[1:18:24] Geoff: Just cakes?
[1:18:25] Unidentified: Here's cake.
[1:18:26] Geoff: Butter batter fruitcake. Masterpiece fruitcake. Who's ordering cake from a catalog? Catalog cake, huh? Ooh, chocolate pretzels and mini graham crackers, though.
[1:18:39] Unidentified: What the fuck is this? That's the end, is it? Can we order that lady? Oh, no. We're halfway through, Gavin. Okay.
[1:18:46] Gavin: Oh. You're going to start clicking faster or what?
[1:18:50] Unidentified: It takes a long time to load. I think we should just back out, go to it, and then go to electronics on 278. Just keep going. Just keep going. Sports. Okay. Andrew wants us to just keep going. Just keep power through it. You don't want to miss any of this gold. Look at that.
[1:19:06] Geoff: Did this turn into a marathon thing, huh? Uh-huh. Let's click faster, Eric. It loads slow.
[1:19:15] Unidentified: Michael Jordan! We would have missed out on Michael Jordan.
[1:19:19] Geoff: Everybody remembers that all-important Michael Jordan Rayovac brand deal here. He's a Rayovac guy.
[1:19:28] Unidentified: Have you ever seen a Rayovac autographed Michael Jordan card, Jeff, in your time?
[1:19:33] Geoff: I'm going to look for him now. Do you think he knew what he was smiling for in that picture? What the fuck? Ooh! Well, now we're getting into some real toys. You can get a Ferengi talking bank.
[1:19:42] Unidentified: Whoa! What's with the...
[1:19:44] Geoff: The Star Wars shit? Dude, it's already... It's... They published this fucking catalog with a 50% off on it. What is that? Yeah. An R2-D2 tied to a fire extinguisher?
[1:19:57] Gavin: What's happening?
[1:20:02] Unidentified: R2, there's a fire!
[1:20:04] Geoff: It's a little remote control, I think. He drives it off.
[1:20:06] Unidentified: Yeah, he is. Yeah, it's a remote control. Oh, never mind.
[1:20:10] Geoff: R2, you're not putting out the fire. Dude, that guy is making two Millennium Falcons kiss. He's discovered... He's going through puberty in that photo.
[1:20:21] Unidentified: Well, he heard a rumor that if you make them kiss a baby Millennium Falcon... A baby Millennium Falcon... You leave it overnight.
[1:20:29] Gavin: A Sentry Falcon pops out.
[1:20:31] Unidentified: Oh, wow. Darts!
[1:20:34] Gavin: Ooh, kids' darts.
[1:20:36] Unidentified: Oh, great.
[1:20:37] Gavin: Andrew hates darts.
[1:20:39] Unidentified: I would get so annoyed if someone gave me a custom dart kit as a gift.
[1:20:43] Geoff: Well, you just asked for one, so thank you.
[1:20:46] Unidentified: Darts are fun. This is nothing. Yeah, it's Super Values. This is a shitty toy pitch.
[1:20:53] Geoff: Too many words. I don't understand how this is organized. We're already back in Barbie, but we already went through two Barbie sections. It's all over the place.
[1:21:00] Unidentified: Star Trek Barbie. Super Value Barbie. Super Value Barbie.
[1:21:05] Gavin: So we're just in the bargain bin section of the catalog?
[1:21:08] Unidentified: I think we're just in the bargain of the catalog. Hey, look, it's Wes Ellis.
[1:21:11] Gavin: That kid in the helmet, he looks like me when I'm dancing to Felice Never Dead.
[1:21:22] Unidentified: Awesome.
[1:21:24] Geoff: This is the section of the catalog where they... Nerf Defender T3? They gotta try to move all this shit they didn't sell last. Another gun!
[1:21:32] Gavin: All the stuff we can shift in the first 150 pages.
[1:21:36] Geoff: 97's hottest items are 98's most deeply discounted bargain. Yep.
[1:21:42] Unidentified: Absolutely. Oh, that checks out. Mm-hmm. Plush Gorilla. Plush Gorilla. You can't see any detail. I can't imagine why they didn't sell. It's nuts.
[1:21:52] Geoff: They could have photographed that better, sure. It looks like Garbo, man.
[1:21:56] Unidentified: It looks like Garbo, man.
[1:22:00] Geoff: Oh, man.
[1:22:01] Unidentified: Oh!
[1:22:01] Geoff: We already did the speak and spell section!
[1:22:06] Unidentified: That's what I'm saying. Oh, is that Brio? I like Brio Train.
[1:22:09] Geoff: Jeff, you don't want to play Mall Madness? Electronic Mall Madness? I do, actually. Karate Fires. I do want to play that. What is it called? Electronic Mall Madness? Oh, yeah.
[1:22:17] Unidentified: Let's see if we can get that.
[1:22:22] Geoff: Electronic Mall Madness. Oh, we have to go to the mall still. Extreme Ghostbusters? Yeah. Oh, there are a lot of versions of Mall Madness.
[1:22:32] Unidentified: Hmm.
[1:22:33] Geoff: That checks out. We can definitely get this. Eric. Gonna need the Eric card. Hey, should we play Mall Madness at the mall? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. We can do it while you're wearing the boots.
[1:22:43] Unidentified: Oh, no! Congo, the game. These Tiger Electronics games or whatever. I miss them. It was such a thing. They were such shit, but I miss them. Terrible, terrible, terrible. Oh, a little Digimon and a Tamagotchi. Oh, a Tamagotchi. Nice. Packers darts. Go. Andrew, be mad at it. Okay. They're not personalized. It's okay. Now we're talking. Now we're in the electronic games. This is.
[1:23:12] Gavin: More fishing. That's the third fishing page. Fake fishing.
[1:23:17] Unidentified: What is Jay?
[1:23:18] Geoff: All right, guys.
[1:23:19] Unidentified: Stealth Assault?
[1:23:20] Gavin: I am buying Mall Madness right now.
[1:23:23] Unidentified: Yes!
[1:23:23] Gavin: Nice. Do you think everything in this catalog was purchased, or do you think that could have been one item that literally no one bought?
[1:23:30] Unidentified: Oh, definitely stuff that nobody bought. I don't think anybody bought that gorilla, dude. Oh! Or maybe that table. Thank God. They finally did a Bible trivia, too. Finally, too. I know all the answers to Bible trivia. One. I'm looking for some new God stuff. Oh, my God. What would Jesus do? Video games! Oh! Oh! Here we go.
[1:23:48] Geoff: Surely a couple of the guitars that showed up on, like, page 200 didn't get bought because there were 7,000 before them.
[1:23:53] Gavin: Dude, I was so freaking jealous of the kids that had the camera and the printer for the Game Boy.
[1:23:58] Unidentified: Oh, I had that! That was so cool. You had that? You had that? Yeah!
[1:24:01] Gavin: You were one of those kids. Oh.
[1:24:04] Unidentified: Yeah.
[1:24:05] Gavin: That was such a luxury. Because you're basically saying goodbye to a game.
[1:24:09] Unidentified: Yeah. Whenever I see, I heard that it is, um, like, a podcast where Dan Riker told the story about that he used to store all his porn on the Game Boy camera because he was scared, like, they would find the Playboy magazine in his room, so he just took photos using the Game Boy camera, so that was, like, the only point of porn he had. Whenever I see Game Boy camera, I think of, like, shit bootleg porn. That's a good idea.
[1:24:35] Gavin: Print of refills, $20.
[1:24:38] Unidentified: Yeah. Nick just said that's a good idea, like, he's gonna run out and grab a Game Boy camera right now so he can kill his porn. No. I'm old enough to not need to do that. Witch. Also Mary. Oh, yeah, also Mary. Witch. Oh, yeah. Did you have Pokemon red or blue? I think I was red.
[1:24:59] Gavin: I had yellow.
[1:25:00] Unidentified: Yeah, I had blue, I think. You didn't play anyone before yellow?
[1:25:04] Geoff: Nope.
[1:25:05] Unidentified: Wow.
[1:25:06] Geoff: That must have been a tough question when you were a kid, right? Like, I have, do I want to get, do I want to get the Legend of Zelda or do I want to spend my money on Game Boy printer refills?
[1:25:16] Unidentified: Oh, after they ran out, it was game over.
[1:25:19] Gavin: Dude, the printer was $70.
[1:25:21] Geoff: Yeah.
[1:25:21] Gavin: Then. Yeah. Hey.
[1:25:24] Unidentified: Hey, here we go.
[1:25:25] Geoff: Now we're talking.
[1:25:27] Unidentified: Kobe Bryant's NBA courtside, I had that. Oh, I never played that.
[1:25:31] Geoff: I never played it.
[1:25:32] Unidentified: These games were expensive. It's not very good, but I liked it.
[1:25:35] Geoff: They are expensive.
[1:25:36] Gavin: Who's the world? Did games get cheaper or were they always, that's like over $100 now.
[1:25:41] Unidentified: Well, 64 games are expensive. They're always the same. Yeah, the games have been, games have been like the same price and that's the thing that you always hear now is like, oh, we're losing all this money on these games because we had to open to $70 or whatever and you look back at this stuff and they were 65 or whatever. But it's like, I'm not going to pay 110 for a video.
[1:26:00] Gavin: I remember my N64 games were like 49 pounds and then I think like Donkey Kong 64 was like 60 pounds. Oh, yeah.
[1:26:08] Unidentified: Because it came with the expansion. Expansion. I don't think you'd ever see, Bomberman Hero is a game title that exists pre-9-11. Yeah. You're not getting Bomberman Hero post that. I remember Bomberman Hero.
[1:26:21] Geoff: I did achieve my Hunter guides in that game, I think.
[1:26:27] Unidentified: Yoshi's story, I couldn't get past a section in it for weeks and I only got past it because my mom's friend daughter played it and she called to ask if they had gotten through it and I had to learn that you could ground and pound. I just missed that mechanic and you needed it to get past the thing. Wow.
[1:26:47] Gavin: Also, look at the difference in price between the console itself and the game. It's like the price of two games. Oh, wow. Now, console's the price of like nine games.
[1:26:58] Unidentified: Oh, true. Diddy Kong Racing, underrated racing game. Yeah, great. Oh, yeah. It was fun. Fantastic racing game. Love Diddy Kong. Love Diddy Kong Racing. Love all the characters in it. Okay. Oh, bring the power home. WWF Warzone. Bad game, but at the time, groundbreaking. Oh, yeah. NFL Quarterback Club 99 had it, played it, played the fucking shit out of it.
[1:27:24] Gavin: That Mission Impossible game?
[1:27:26] Unidentified: Yeah.
[1:27:26] Gavin: Was so freaking difficult. Oh, yeah. Although you could shoot people in the head and they would do a full backflip.
[1:27:33] Unidentified: That's awesome.
[1:27:35] Geoff: Okay, so you get one game off this page. What are you buying? Turok 2.
[1:27:42] Gavin: Yeah, it's a tough one. Probably WWF Warzone.
[1:27:44] Unidentified: Yeah, Warzone. Blitz. Blitz is a good one, though. Blitz is great.
[1:27:49] Geoff: I'm either getting Turok or Off-Road Challenge. That was a good game. Oh, yeah.
[1:27:53] Unidentified: My combat 4 fucking sucks.
[1:27:57] Gavin: I remember getting stuck on Mission Impossible because one of the objectives in the first level was you have to get the score, and it was like a music thing. You have to get the piano guys, and I just didn't know what a score was. I was walking around, like, what's the score? Couldn't figure it out.
[1:28:12] Geoff: Yeah, Clayfighter wasn't bad. I could have just said sheet music.
[1:28:15] Unidentified: Clayfighter was fine. I think it was like a good idea, but...
[1:28:18] Geoff: Yeah, it was a fun game.
[1:28:19] Unidentified: Quest 64 is always really dogged on, but I don't think it's a terrible game.
[1:28:22] Geoff: Oh, I've never played it. I don't know anything about it.
[1:28:24] Unidentified: Yeah. There we go. Baby Mario. Oh, God. I love Star Fox 64. Who's not in either of those games, is he? And Shadows. Baby Mario is not in any of... Is he? No. He's not in any of the games listed on the... Oh, no, Yoshi's Island is G, but he's not, for some reason, listed under G. Yeah, I don't think he's in any of these. Wave Race 64, where you can unlock the dolphin? Great. Star Fox 64, maybe one of my favorite games ever made. Such a great game. Period.
[1:28:54] Gavin: I didn't know that was a Star Fox game, because in England, it was called Lilat Wars.
[1:28:59] Unidentified: Oh, yeah. That's the name of the system they're in. I don't know why they did that. Why did they?
[1:29:04] Gavin: Yeah, and the original Star Fox was called Star Wing.
[1:29:07] Unidentified: Yeah, I think Star Fox might have been a copywritten term from something else.
[1:29:11] Gavin: Yeah.
[1:29:12] Unidentified: But Star Fox 64 is a game that I beat every way that you could and earned all the medals, and then you could play multiplayer where you run around on the ground. Or be in a tank. You could be in a tank.
[1:29:23] Gavin: Bang, a soundtrack.
[1:29:26] Unidentified: Oh, yeah.
[1:29:28] Gavin: Ooh. Ooh, and there's the worst game ever made.
[1:29:31] Unidentified: Super Mario. Super Mario. Woof. How much is it here? Master controller system? Oh, it's $70. Yeah, what is that thing?
[1:29:40] Gavin: You're in control of up to eight. Oh, is it like a switcher?
[1:29:44] Unidentified: I think it's a switcher. Yeah. Yeah, eight different inputs for your TV set. Wow. And then a bunch of eight-leg controllers.
[1:29:51] Gavin: Oh, it's like a controller shagged one of those weird hinged laptops from 50 pages ago.
[1:30:04] Unidentified: All right, here we go. That placed. Okay, some PlayStation. Mm-hmm.
[1:30:09] Geoff: So how much was the PlayStation? It was 100. Is that say $129? $129. Yeah, I think the same as the N64.
[1:30:18] Unidentified: Yeah, they were pretty competitive that way.
[1:30:19] Gavin: But the games were cheaper.
[1:30:21] Unidentified: Yes.
[1:30:21] Gavin: Because, I guess, just a disc.
[1:30:24] Unidentified: Yeah. Crazy. Wow. And the bundles of, like, you get Parappa the Rapper and Crash for $219 with the console.
[1:30:32] Geoff: That's crazy, dude.
[1:30:33] Unidentified: What a steal, too. Like, those are fucking great.
[1:30:36] Geoff: Those are two great games.
[1:30:41] Unidentified: Final Fantasy VII on here, too. Good game.
[1:30:44] Gavin: Could you even get... Oh, Twisted Metal. Could you get an original PlayStation for less than that now?
[1:30:49] Unidentified: No. Not a chance in hell.
[1:30:51] Gavin: It's gone up in value.
[1:30:52] Unidentified: Yeah. Does anyone want to buy one? I don't think that pistol's big enough in ODD. Get bigger. Parappa. Tekken 3.
[1:31:03] Geoff: Tekken 3 was fucking great. Rampage is fun.
[1:31:08] Unidentified: Yeah. Some great games. Oh, red alert. Terrible controllers down here. What's going on?
[1:31:14] Gavin: Is that a N64 controller for the PlayStation?
[1:31:17] Unidentified: Yeah. Yeah. It's the future. Oh, is it? No, it's an advanced Nintendo 64 controller. How weird.
[1:31:26] Gavin: Okay. It's just on the PlayStation page.
[1:31:28] Unidentified: No, it is weird. Oh, Punky Skunk?
[1:31:33] Gavin: Everyone's favorite. Bottom of the ninth. What? 97.
[1:31:37] Unidentified: What is Punky Skunk? I don't know. What is Punky Skunk? Thrash, Skate, Dig, Glide, and Jump Past Mutant Mice to win. For one player.
[1:31:46] Geoff: We gotta get it. That Frogger game sucked. I bought it. And that Speed Racer game sucked. I bought it. X-Men vs. Street Fighter was fucking awesome.
[1:31:55] Unidentified: Awesome. That game rules. X-Men vs. Street Fighter was so fucking cool.
[1:32:00] Geoff: When I was in Kuwait, one of the times I was in Kuwait, they had that stand-up machine there that was the only thing they had. They had like a little DVD or a VHS lending library where you could rent like eight different movies, and they had that arcade game. And so there was just a line of like 40 dudes to play it all day and all night for the four months I was there.
[1:32:23] Unidentified: The X-Files game. X-Files game, Croc, a lot of Fox Sports. And Disco Balls. Yeah. I don't remember the Fox Sports line of games. Weird. No. Very strange. What the fuck? Wow. And we're out. What happened? Oh, I want those skateboards so bad. I want the Mario Kart star. Oh my god. That's so cool.
[1:32:48] Geoff: That's so cool. The Scooteroo. Scooteroo.
[1:32:53] Unidentified: That sounds like a British thing. Does she know how the ball works? Oh, okay.
[1:33:01] Geoff: That little girl looks like she's surrendering to the basketball room.
[1:33:04] Unidentified: Don't do it.
[1:33:06] Gavin: Electric talking rotten egg. I could imagine that thing just swearing at you.
[1:33:13] Geoff: Electric talking. Let's see if that's on. Do you think it's just begging for death? Fucking kill me. Just kill me.
[1:33:20] Unidentified: Stop bouncing me. This isn't a way to live. This isn't a way to live.
[1:33:26] Geoff: Do it. You know that was... Oh, you can buy them. What? Oh, wow. They're all over eBay.
[1:33:32] Unidentified: Are you bashing roll wrestlers?
[1:33:34] Geoff: You know that was like somebody's... Somebody invented that and they had to take it and pitch it. And they were so fucking excited about it. And they were like, trust me, I know kids. This is going to be huge. And they put everything they had into it.
[1:33:46] Unidentified: S. Macho Man Randy Savage. I'm looking at that right now. It's on my shelf to the left. Oh, wow. We all do have things from this. Yeah. But not Sting.
[1:33:57] Geoff: You didn't like...
[1:33:57] Unidentified: I have Sting. I also have a Diamond Dallas Page one, but he's not shown here. I love Sting. Sting! He's great. But yeah, Macho Man Randy Savage, you'd like... Press like their hand or like their foot or like twist their nose. And they go, hey, get off of my arm. This is great. Oh! Tiny pool, tiny... I mean... You want to be a hustler as a kid? You know, learn how to play your brother. A kid on the left looks like one. Damn. Wow. All right. I think we got through the video game stuff. And that was the important stuff. I think we're winding down here. I'll jog through, but this was fun. Going through... Oh, cool. We've got the ninth Fisher Price section. Enough. Enough of you, Fisher Price. This was fun. Going through this catalog, I think, was like... Silly. This was... I mean, I remember getting it... We have to go through the end. We're 170-whatever.
[1:34:58] Unidentified: We can't stop. When does it end? What's the last page? It's like 203. Oh, yeah.
[1:35:03] Geoff: We can finish it out. Oh, absolutely. 290? Oh, Jesus. Okay. Never mind. We're done.
[1:35:08] Unidentified: Let's go to 200. Let's stop at 200.
[1:35:10] Geoff: Yeah.
[1:35:10] Unidentified: I will say... We got 25 more pages in this? It'll go fast. Yeah.
[1:35:15] Geoff: I will say...
[1:35:15] Unidentified: Oh, wait. Wait a second. Mr. 98 all of a sudden wants to cut off 98 stuff. Oh, I'm done. Well, yeah. I'm done with this. Absolutely.
[1:35:24] Geoff: Dude, those fucking moonshoes were a thing for a little bit.
[1:35:27] Unidentified: Oh, yeah. Moonshoes were great.
[1:35:29] Geoff: Toonsylvania?
[1:35:30] Unidentified: What the fuck is that?
[1:35:32] Geoff: I don't know.
[1:35:33] Gavin: Spinal tap pill. Toonsylvania lavatory.
[1:35:36] Unidentified: Bad gas baby human. Cool. Wow.
[1:35:40] Geoff: Oh, wow. Cool. Tonka.
[1:35:43] Unidentified: Cars with eyes? How original? Ooh. I was never into trucks or, like, the construction stuff as a kid. Build it. That's just a phase I never went through.
[1:35:57] Gavin: Remote control crane? Wow. Some kids had it so good. Oh, yeah. I know. That looks like it. Rolls. Yeah.
[1:36:06] Geoff: You know, I didn't see any Transformers, any G.I. Joe, any T-Man. I saw some Power Rangers. Power Rangers. There was a little Power Rangers.
[1:36:12] Unidentified: You did see a chainsaw that has real sounds. If you want to be a baby Leatherface, you want to start young. He wanted it, too. It was marked.
[1:36:20] Geoff: He wants that. It took us fucking, what page are we on now? It took us 182 pages to get to a Nerf gun.
[1:36:27] Unidentified: Yeah. Don't we've had some Nerf in the past? Have we? Yeah. Yeah, they're just scattered. Hot Wheels. Ooh. Three Loops. Madness.
[1:36:39] Geoff: That's not safe. Uh-uh. Jack's.
[1:36:41] Unidentified: Oh, there you go. Shit. This is right before the figures got any good. These figures are terrible. Is that Andre? Yeah. Under L. Yeah. Yeah.
[1:36:56] Geoff: I love that there's a little robot there, the Capsula MX Robo Master. And for his head, they just put the, they just cut the front of a 737 off and made it his face.
[1:37:10] Unidentified: Jesus Christ. Wow.
[1:37:13] Gavin: The Lost Mines. Dude, those are so big. They're huge.
[1:37:16] Unidentified: They're so big. That's wild.
[1:37:18] Gavin: Who has the space?
[1:37:19] Unidentified: Right? Were you a big car guy, Nick, as a kid? No, but I like trains, and I think I want to get. I like trains. I like trains, and I want, I like trains. Yeah. I want to get, like, a train set that goes around my entire house. You'd be like Bobby Bacala. Bobby Bacala. Yeah.
[1:37:38] Geoff: There's, uh, there's no reason why you couldn't. There's nothing stopping you.
[1:37:42] Unidentified: Remote control sunrunner. I mean, your wife. There is the matter of my wife. Uh-huh. Yeah. You want the sunrunner, Gavin? Is that the one you were looking at?
[1:37:50] Geoff: Yeah.
[1:37:51] Unidentified: Yeah, I'm a big sunrunner guy right there, too.
[1:37:53] Geoff: See, I think I'm a torpedo racing boat kind of man.
[1:37:55] Unidentified: Man, me and Gavin are, we're going on the high seas, but we're doing it in style. Jeff's just trying to get there fast.
[1:38:01] Gavin: Yeah, well, if you got the, if you got the torpedo racing boat, where are all the women going to sit?
[1:38:05] Unidentified: That's what I'm talking about. I'm going to jump my Nissan Frontier onto your boat. Ooh, you get a Humvee. Ooh. Hey, tires, they float. What the fuck?
[1:38:19] Geoff: Oh, we've, we've entered into Nick's area.
[1:38:21] Unidentified: Yeah, we're in Nick territory now. Choo-choo!
[1:38:23] Geoff: We're loving the Nick town. Oh, it's gone.
[1:38:27] Unidentified: I scouted a little bit ahead. Page 200 is a banger. Great page. Okay.
[1:38:33] Gavin: Do you ever have the, the remote control car called Rebound, which could flip upside down and drive the other way? Yes. I never had one, but I know what you're talking about. I know, I know exactly what you're talking about. That thing was the shit. That was my, that was my big present one. Yeah. Loved it. That's awesome.
[1:38:45] Geoff: So I think the cool thing about this, I feel like this went really well and I had a lot of fun doing it and I think it'll be a lot of fun. I could see us doing this again in the future with other stuff.
[1:38:54] Unidentified: Yeah.
[1:38:55] Geoff: Like I'd really, Andrew and I have talked about this in the past. It would be fun to do it for our birth years, you know? Yeah.
[1:39:00] Unidentified: Ooh, that would be fun. And it's a great idea. This is, um, did you like a Digizord or are you more of a Digimorfer guy? I was a Digizord guy.
[1:39:10] Geoff: I don't know what those things you said are.
[1:39:12] Unidentified: Yeah, me neither. This is after my time of Power Rangers. Yeah. I was just. Oh my God. Whoa. This guy was all about the shit on this page. This guy's a Batman freak, bro. Oh, Godzilla.
[1:39:25] Geoff: Oh, that's a pretty cool Godzilla.
[1:39:27] Unidentified: That is cool. Wait until 200. There's so much cool shit. The whole page is, oh my God. Okay. Dude, there's a Death Star. Yeah, I saw that.
[1:39:34] Gavin: Godzilla Bank. Oh my God. You can pull Vader's helmet.
[1:39:40] Unidentified: Look, you can have a whole jizz band. You can get Yoda. You can get the Wampa. Yeah. You can get Figurin Dan. And then if you just get four more Figurin Dans, then you can have a jizz band.
[1:39:51] Gavin: You can slice it open and hide in its thigh.
[1:39:54] Unidentified: All right.
[1:39:55] Gavin: Do you think George Lucas has changed all the faces under the Vader helmets?
[1:39:59] Unidentified: Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. They're all different now.
[1:40:00] Geoff: Yeah, but he's still stuck with jizz. Removes the eyebrows. Not mad at that Batman Jet Blade vehicle.
[1:40:09] Unidentified: That looks cool as shit. What's up? I don't know what's up with this fucking freak guy over here, but he's having fun. Hey, I'm here. He's like waving.
[1:40:18] Geoff: The kid who owned this, I think it's the Joker? The kid who owned this catalog, really, really over-dexed on Batman. Yeah.
[1:40:29] Unidentified: $1.99.
[1:40:31] Geoff: Ooh, X-Men. Ooh, X-Men. Cosmic Power, 14-inch Galactus.
[1:40:35] Unidentified: Whoa. Did he ever show up in the cartoon? I don't remember. I don't know. Who, Galactus? Yeah. In the Silver Surfer. I think so. There was a Silver Surfer cartoon, and he showed up there. That was the whole thing.
[1:40:46] Geoff: There was an episode with Silver Surfer, I remember, so he must have.
[1:40:50] Unidentified: Oh, yeah.
[1:40:51] Geoff: Yeah, Silver Surfer had his own thing.
[1:40:53] Unidentified: Here's Spider-Man's Web Blaster copter. You know, the classic copter that he uses. Look at this shit. Oh, RoboCop! Holy shit.
[1:41:05] Geoff: Look at how cool that helmet weapon arm thing is. Dude, what a great way to go out on fucking RoboCop.
[1:41:12] Unidentified: I've been playing that RoboCop game like fucking crazy. I love it. It's so fucking fun. What a fucking game. Could you, could you, you gotta go, I'm sorry. One more page, Eric. Okay. Back to 201. Can we please get the six foot tall inflatable Godzilla? Oh my gosh. That kid's reaction. Also, a remote control fast attack Godzilla? This is incredible.
[1:41:39] Geoff: That, it definitely looks like something we would have on set, right?
[1:41:41] Unidentified: Yeah.
[1:41:42] Gavin: They make Godzilla look so weird in that movie.
[1:41:45] Unidentified: Yeah, well, Godzilla looked like shit in this stupid movie. And there's a new Godzilla movie?
[1:41:50] Geoff: He, he kind of looks like H.R. Giger presents Godzilla.
[1:41:54] Unidentified: Yeah, kind of. Oh wow, one of Eric's favorite toys is on 202. Oh, one of my favorite toys. Yeah, look. Small soldiers! Yeah, great. They're here! That's what we fucking ended on. It's the Gorgonites! This sucks. Oh, chip figure for $24.99? What a deal! Wow!
[1:42:13] Geoff: Shout out to Joe Dante, that guy knew kids. Alright, Jeff, take crowns, metals. Hey, thanks for going down this walk down memory lane with us as we round out and finish our final piece of 1998 content. That's not to say that we won't come up with some other exciting piece of 1998 content in the future, but I believe this fulfills our own internal obligation of all the ideas that we had initially. We hope you enjoyed it. We hope you get some of these gifts for Christmas, if that's what you put the X next to. Hopefully, you'll give some of these gifts for Christmas to people that matter to you in your life. Thanks for another year of listening to this dumbass podcast. We love you. Bye. Bye. Bye-bye!
